There are times where some part of the baby moves from one side of the belly to the other. If Kevin Bacon and the dad from "Family Ties" were there, it would totally be a scene from Tremors. The baby's probably not going to pop through the skin and kill me but I'm not going to get too close for safety's sake. Also, in case the baby is a subterranean carnivore, how do I go about putting a onesie on it?
It would explain why my wife is so uncomfortable.
Sometimes the baby will poke arms and legs out at different points of the belly. It's good to know that she's got that kind of reach. The way the belly bulges looks like a bunch of squirrels fighting in a sack. It's almost cartoonish but it's not. If this was a cartoon, during birth the doctor would surf out of the delivery room when the water broke while the nurses danced 60s beach movie-style. Then a flag would pop out of my wife's area that says "Born!" and we'd laugh.
How did she sneak a gun into my wife's uterus?
There is also a bounce which is a ripple away from making me think a T-Rex is coming. It's a quick pop of the belly. It's violent and it got me in the ear once when I was trying to hear the baby's heartbeat. These are the quick jabs of a future boxer. Mo Cuishle Tor.
I wanted a Million Dollar Baby picture but this one was more ridiculous.
Finally, there's the one I call "the miracle." I use it to describe every movement. Let's get sticky and slide down the side of a tree because it's time to get sappy. It is amazing to watch this person inside my wife let us know she's in there. It is the highlight of my day right above Sporstcenter and writing a good tweet. I look forward to it. Is it 10pm yet?