Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Tor Baby Countdown: 56 Days

Sometimes Baby Center likes to make up vegetables because there isn't one that represents the current size of the baby. This week, our daughter is the size of jicama. It's Latin for "sorta kinda like a big turnip," or "friend of the quarter" as evidenced below.
People lose their filters around pregnant women. It's like the estrogen glow of the pregnant woman breaks down the walls of decent behavior in the nearby people causing them to function purely on id. That's why bellies are touched by strangers and the following things can be said:

"Were you trying (to have a baby)?" - Alright, Salt-n-Pepa, let's talk about sex. I mean, we haven't ever before this point so let's get into it. What causes someone to ask such a personal thing? "Hey Doris, did you watch American Idol last night? How's your vagina?" Not appropriate. Why not ask for a video?

"You must be having a girl because a girl steals your beauty." - This is wrong. It can't feel right coming out of the mouth. She's a pregnant woman. She's insecure and you are basically telling them they should spend the rest of the gestation period killing drunken teens at an abandoned campground. I'm not a fan of punching a woman (capable of saying this) but I would gladly hire someone to. Is Gina Carano available?

Gina Carano - Lady Puncher for Hire

"When are you due? Last week?" - My wife is due in 7 weeks. So unless I am posting a comment she will hear 8 weeks in the future, this was offensive. How do you get out of this? "I was hoping you'd have a preemie. They are ever so much cuter." Nooooo, that doesn't work. Well, at least my wife was pregnant and female so it wasn't as big a miss as it could have been.

Just because someone is pregnant doesn't mean you stop thinking before you speak. (I'm still trying to understand why that last statement needs to be said.) My wife is suffering enough on the inside physically. She doesn't need to be suffering psychologically as well.

In conclusion, I'll kill you if you mess with my wife, foo.

Technically, I'm also Mr. T.


Anonymous said...

A comment I heard often - "you're sure there's only one in there?" Having a pregnant belly means people stop looking you in the eyes. I wanted to get a shirt that read, "Don't worry, I'm looking at yours too"!

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