Tor Baby Countdown: 60 Days

We have two dogs, more famously known as "The Siblings Jerkface." Babies and dogs are a curious combination. My wife and I stare at the dogs and any slight change in their behavior causes us to wonder if they know there's a baby coming. "Boy Jerkface is sleeping in a new spot. Does that mean he hates the baby already?"

Those are "hate eyes"

Their previous owners had kids so they've been around babies. In fact, friends have been over with their kids and the dogs have wanted nothing to do with them. One baby was left in the carrier on the floor and got little more than a sniff. These dogs could care less about babies.

Or so we thought. Another baby was over recently. (You may remember him as my future son-in-law, the pilot.) Girl Jerkface would not stop licking him. It was like he was covered in syrup and not drool, dust, and urine. It was just the kind of curveball to keep my wife and I off-balance.

"You can't watch the baby forever"

Look, I don't want a dog to lick our baby. Sure they are kisses but that's a tongue that's just been "kissing" dog parts that I don't want to specify. Why don't we rub our baby on the dog's crotch and cut out the middle man? (Ok, so I specified.)

How do you stop a dog from licking a baby? Do you constantly yell NO? Do you dunk the baby in bitters? Do you train the baby to withstand electrical impulses like a clownfish in an anemone so you can electrify the baby? Fact: Dogs leave babies that electrocute them alone.

Electric Baby (According to Google Search)

On the other hand, what if Girl Jerkface doesn't want to lick our baby? Does that mean she hates our daughter? How mad will the pediatrician get when he finds peanut butter in our daughter's ear? I have so many questions.