Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Tor Baby Countdown: 48 Days

This is going to be a blog entry that's been done to death for expecting parents but hopefully I'll be able to put my own spin on it. Some of that Tor differentness that separates me from the successful people. So let's see "How to deal with your baby coming and a dog that just tore his ACL."

Our dog (Boy Jerkface) tore his ACL over a week ago. The recovery for this injury is about 8 weeks. No need to get your calculators out, the baby will come before then. This is just poor timing by the dog. He did this to get attention, worried that the new member of the family is going to occupy all of our time. So he snaps his ACL. Selfish.

When I tell people this, they ask me if he was playing basketball and that makes me laugh. He's quite overweight. He would be picked last in any gym class in America.

His jersey number is K9. Hilarious.

There is a lot of work ahead of my wife and I on this. Lots of carrying to minimize walking and stair climbing. Pain medication. Keeping him from biting his stitches. Easing him back to normal. And, at any point, our daughter may fall out of my wife. However, like always, I will look on the bright side and show how this can be a blessing.

Boy Jerkface weighs 44 pounds. If my wife is lucky, that will be no less than 5 times the amount our daughter will weigh. Carrying the dog up and down the stairs and for the last third of every walk will prepare me for holding my daughter in the long run. It's training! Thanks dog!

Maybe I have nothing to complain about.

Also, the dog can't jump into the crib in the middle of the night and take the baby far away. We'd be able to catch the gimpy babynapper no problem!

The dog will have to wear the protective cone collar. We can decorate the collar to look like petals around the dog's face. Then the dog won't clash with the nursery. Arts and crafts fun!

We can have a race to see who walks first. If our daughter wins, she'll be studied by doctors and scientists for years to come!

The surgery is next week and the baby is due about 5 weeks later. This is going to be close. I've faxed the agenda to my wife's womb but I haven't heard back. Fingers crossed.

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