Sunday, March 28, 2010

Tor Baby Countdown: 65 Days

From what I'm told, when this baby is born, I will look into her eyes and a transformation will happen. From what I'm told, I will fall in love instantly and not be able to resist any request she ever makes. I'm tired of being told what will happen. People who are parents either newly or oldly tend to dispense not only advice but predictions.

"She's going to be Daddy's little girl" - First off, my daughter is not property. I don't own her. I guide her. Shall we high-five now or later, Spirit of Elizabeth Cady Stanton? Secondly, I plan on sharing her with my wife. It's only fair after all the work she put in. Also, Little Lady Tor might be huge. What if she comes out taller than me?

"She's going to have a tough time in your house with all the sharp corners and stuff near the ground" - I think the only way to babyproof a house is to modify the house as the baby grows. My wife has outlet covers on the bathroom wall 4 feet off the ground. While I'm excited about potentially having a baby with that kind of vertical leap (Hello Geno Auriemma!), I'll wait and see. What if we have a baby that breathes fire? Our whole wooden coffee table is a problem and not just the sharp corners.

"Before you know it, she'll be dating" - Maybe she won't ever date. Maybe she'll be homely and not be able to find another. Maybe she'll be so interested in her career that she won't have time for such things. Maybe she'll be asexual like a hammerhead shark. We can call her Hammy.

"You wouldn't let her go to Seton Hall, would you?" - This one's easy. The answer is no. Not just because there are better schools but mostly because I don't want members of the basketball team to take her meal points at gunpoint.

"She is going to have a fantastic 50th wedding anniversary!" - Alright, nobody has said this. Yet. But if they did, it's the one I would agree with. Even I know this one's true.

Look, I don't know what's going to happen with her and that's what's so exciting about it. All I do know is that I'm not rushing to find out.

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