It's Tuesday and you know what that means, loyal readers? (crickets) That's right! It's new fruit or vegetable day! Baby Center has informed us on this wretchedly awful, rainy morning that our baby is now the size of four navel oranges. The website went on to assure us that our baby is one piece. Is there not a single fruit or vegetable that is this size?
Naming a baby is not easy. You are forced to anticipate ways it can be made fun of. If she is smart, you have to stay away from Gertie ("Nerdy Gertie"). If she is ugly, you have to stay away from Vicky ("Icky Vicky"). And God forbid she is chubby, you have to stay away from Patty ("Fatty Patty"), Kate ("Overweight Kate"), or Brooke ("Look How Much Food She Took Brooke") among others.
My wife and I have chosen our daughter's name but we've decided not to tell anyone. I find it's easier to like a name once there is a face associated with it. "Here, meet Mervina, isn't she precious?" goes a lot better when you are holding a cute little baby.
My improv friends call her Linda or Peyton. My best friend calls her Tori (Tori Tor seems like a winner). The guessing is fun. Nobody has guessed it yet but that doesn't mean I would tell them if they did. I'm a good liar.
The problem is that people don't like to not know and it is hard to keep the secret, especially with my wife and I singing songs and talking to the belly using her name all the time. It's only a matter of time before "Grizelda would not stop kicking last night" slips out of one of our mouths.
We get asked whether we have a name often and my wife has taken to saying no to avoid the long "We have. We're just not telling people. Especially you." response. Sometimes the people get offended and have a look that says "Not even me?" Well, I'm sorry. You aren't high enough on our privacy-sharing list, Cashier at Home Goods. Of course I want to yell "BIMLEE" at the top of my lungs but it's not happening. Just scan my spatula and take my card so we can get out of here!
We are 63 days away (my baby will be punctual) from unveiling the name and people are going to like it because they like us and like our baby. I will leave you with a few hints:
- We have not found this name on a personalized key chain or mug yet
- It is not Spanish like my wife
- It is not one of the names in this blog though the first hint should have helped that (so many Bimlee mugs)
- It is not my name with an 'a' at the end
- It is not monosyllabic
- The middle name is pretty