American Idol Season 9 - Top 20 (Eliminations)

So Crystal Bowersox was spared kicking off a dull version of "Tik Tok." Instead, we got a lackluster take on "I've Got a Feeling." Was it me or was the lip synching worse this week? Do they study tape of Ashley Simpson on SNL? I know Jermaine studies it because he's good at throwing the band under the bus.

Going Home:

John Park - I think the spotlight was too much for him. There is a talented singer in there. I saw it. I swear I did.* At least he can go back to his acapella group, Purple Haze. I'm sure the group didn't feel complete without his monotone, off-key vocals.

Jermaine Sellers - There is joy in Idolville once again. It appears more people asked God to send Jermaine home than to keep him around. Well prayed, America. Well prayed. He was a terrible singer and an insecure person who masks that insecurity with a lack of accountability. Hopefully, he will look back on this and learn from it and not blindly assume God is guiding him to do the right thing. Because, right now, there are no footprints in the sand. It's just Jermaine floating on his cloud of self-righteousness.

Michelle Delamor - This is an unfortunate one. She took a risk and went down swinging. Was it a fair elimination? In terms of this week, probably not, but it's a strong field of girls** so it would only have been a matter of time.

Haeley Vaughn - This might have been a large experiment to see what could be done to make her stop smiling. Her parents went to world-renowned doctors.

World-Renowned Doctor 5

Well, we've tried all of the valium we have in the lab and there hasn't been a wiggle in the lip. There's one last thing but it's risky.

Haeley's Mom

We'll try anything.

World-Renowned Doctor 5

American Idol. That's been known to take anyone's smile away. Can your daughter moderately sing?

Haeley's Mom

I believe so.

World-Renowned Doctor 5

Good. Because she has to make it to the Top 24. That's where souls are really crushed.

Final Thought: One more week and then it gets serious....ish. Tim Urban and Lacey Brown are like Kenny from "South Park" - they die on stage but then show up again the next week. It doesn't make sense. They should be half of the eliminations next week.

Females Fighting For Last Spot -

Paige Miles - Stop having fun and sing something with long notes you can hold!

Didi Benami - Play your acoustic guitar and if it's going badly, cry until there is a puddle beneath you and slip on it! Sympathy out of embarrassment works!

Males Fighting For Last Spot -

Aaron Kelly - Tim Urban hurts your chances as the "cute one" so stop being adorable and be better!

Todrick Hall - I have no advice because it's probably you.

* This post is paid for by the Friends For Shania Twain.

** Field of Girls is probably my favorite baseball porn movie. Makes me cry every time.