Miley Cyrus was the mentor this week. She won me over by saying she didn't know why she was a mentor but she would be willing to help with connection and stage presence. I appreciate that. Unfortunately, that won't allow me to rip her apart as mentor. I had a whole metaphor about a dragon and a bakery. It was gonna be sweet. As for the awful night, at least the contestants had fun because the viewers did not.
Lee DeWyze - "The Letter" - I agreed with Simon on this. It didn't feel like Lee. After last week's "Beast of Burden" (which I have watched 4 times), I was disappointed. He doesn't need to be moving around to be a "star." The 3 Non-Simons are giving him bad advice. Do not listen to them, Lee. Do not hear their call. You will die (or get voted off).
Paige Miles - "Against All Odds" - She went with the stairs. The stairs usually lead to good comments from the judges but not this time. It might have been worse than her "Smile" from 2 weeks ago. I had to make sure it wasn't me singing up there. She better not put that on YouTube. Commenters will be merciless.
Tim Urban - "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" - Tim Urban got a hug. Do you think Miley's boyfriend is going to be jealous? That hug said "I wish it was you, Tim Urban, in my Nicholas Sparks movie and not the other guy." Let's talk about Miley's movie instead of the singing. No? Fine. It was ok. I have a feeling the judges would have liked it if this was Season 2. I'm more concerned with the slide. It was like the first day of sliding in Little League practice. He is going to hurt himself. At least, Miley will take care of him.
Aaron Kelly - "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" - It was decent for having laryngitis and tonsillitis but I'm a big fan of this song............'s movie. How can he connect to this song? This is song is about a Bruce Willis stopping an asteroid from hitting Earth so that his daughter may live. Aaron is too young to have experienced that. I didn't buy it.
Crystal Bowersox - "Me and Bobby McGee" - It was fantastic. Maybe the only good performance of the night. Therefore, I'd like to talk about how Miley ruined Crystal's guitar. Crystal gave you a gift, Cyrus. You don't deserve to sign that guitar and she allowed you to and then you take up all of that room. Just sign your name. Where's Pink going to sign? Where's Paula Cole going to sign? Where's the random lady who was spiritually inhabited by Karen Carpenter just to meet Crystal going to sign? Think next time.
Big Mike - "When A Man Loves A Woman" - I didn't even want to watch once I heard the song choice. One thing is for sure. Big Mike loves love. Big Mike loves women. And Big Mike loves loving women. Is anyone up for Mike mixing it up next week and rocking out, "Throw Some Ds on that Bitch?" At the very least it will be fun to watch him cornily mime picking up D cup breasts and throwing them at an imaginary bitch.
Andrew Garcia - "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" - I've given up on Andrew. I'll listen to whatever pop acoustic song he puts on YouTube but he's got nothing left. If there was one positive for this performance, it was his dedication to pointing to his ear every time he mentioned hearing something through the grapevine.
Katie Stevens - "Big Girls Don't Cry" - There was no edge to the vocal. It sounded like one long "Yayayayayayayayayayayaya" howl if those ya's were out of tune. Fergie is not one of those Idol untouchables (Mariah or Whitney) but she sings with attitude. Katie has the attitude of seahorse that was raised by the Amish. It did not work but the Non-Simons liked it.
Casey James - "The Power of Love" - He sounded exactly like Huey Lewis at times. It was scary. In the opening interview, he said he was going to focus on moving around and owning the stage. So how did he rock the stage? He started standing near his microphone and then walked to it. You know what? Owning the stage is a journey and that always starts with the one step he took tonight. I'm looking forward to next week!
Didi Benami - "You're No Good" - It was fine but it felt very Broadway. I hope this was an off week for her because I don't want her to be a Broadway Idol. She's better than that. I don't want her starring in "My Name in Heart Lights: The Music of Neil Diamond" by this time next year. Side note - I'd get tickets for that show regardless.
Siobhan Magnus - "Superstition" - Clean up on Idol 11! That was a mess and a half. Her body moves in slow motion. It is independent to whatever her mouth is doing. It doesn't look right. Is it because she can't see? She should crawl around feeling for stuff next week. Also, she screeched again at the end. Imagine that.
Bottom Three: While I know it is hard to pick only 3 going home-worthy performances, you have to factor in the number of fans people have. Paige is done. It was that bad. They can't afford to have her there next week even if the producers have to turn off her phone line. The other two spots are probably Andrew Garcia (he's done more than enough to deserve it) and Katie Stevens (her singing is like licking cardboard). I feel Tim Urban has too many girls in love with him. Same with Aaron Kelly.
Going Home: Paige Miles