Tor Baby Countdown: 64 Days

Technology advances forward like Lindsey Lohan in a bad decision contest. The things they can do now with ultrasounds is way different than what they were doing back in the days of George Washington. In those days, a kite was wrapped around the mother's waist and an artist would try to capture as much of the insides as he could whenever lightning struck. Today, we've harnessed the power of the skies and can wield lightning to create photos of your baby in 3 dimensions.

3D ultrasound photos are probably the scariest, most horrible part of pregnancy. The image comes out looking like a bird, a fossil, or a baby that drank from the wrong Holy Grail at the end of Indiana Jones. When we told the technician that they never come out well and we don't want nightmares about our daughter, she admitted they look a little weird but that's because the baby has no fat to separate the skin from the bone. I'm glad she said that because I was wondering why there was a vomit bucket next to my chair.

Not ours but equally not good.

So we got the ultrasound and our daughter looked terrible but we expected that. No fat and what not. A person my wife works with said that you will be amazed at how much your child looks like that ultrasound. Thanks, that needed to be said. I can't wait to hold Melty-face Bird Fossil in my arms!

Now there is news that some hospitals are offering 4D ultrasounds. Will the fetus be able to walk through walls? Will you be able to see into bird baby's future? "Here she is at college pecking her professor's eyes out." How long do we have to wait for a fifth dimension? Until the Age of Aquarius?

How my wife and I spend Sunday afternoons.

Unless doing a 4D ultrasound implants in our daughter the ability to understand the complex mathematics involved in calculating the fourth dimension, I don't want it. In fact, let's just stick to two dimensions. Nice and flat.

True story: At our last ultrasound appointment, the technician was unable to take a 3D picture because our daughter had her arms up blocking her face. Daddy's proud of you, honey.