Thursday, March 25, 2010

Tor Baby Countdown: 68 Days

All parents have fears about their baby. It's only natural to want the best for your child. I thought I would make a list of the things I want, as a father, for our daughter.

Health - A good immune system is about as important as a well-balanced breakfast. If this were the future, I would check "good immune system" off first at the Build-A-Baby Workshop.

Above Average Intelligence - I don't want school to be too easy for her but I also want her to get A's. Having to work hard in high school makes college easier. I'm only thinking of her. Plus I don't want to be outsmarted as a parent ever!

Good with Money - This is where genetics has to surprise us. Neither I nor my wife is very good with money so two wrongs are going to have to make a right here. I expect her to have a diverse portfolio using all of her babysitting money.

Strong Equilibrium - She's going to have a large head. Almost like my wife cheated on me with one of the Pep Boys. "You're welcome. Love, your parents." She's going to fight falling over for a while. A strong equilibrium will go a long way towards helping her keep her friends.

Athletic - While I would settle for "not trippy," I will shoot for the stars (as I have on the list so far) and hope she will be able to play some sports. I will allow softball, tennis, basketball, and golf. Giant no for track (boring to watch) and soccer (unpatriotic).

Able to Perform Simple Magic Tricks - This would be for social situations where there is a lull in the conversation. She wouldn't always be doing magic. Also these social situations would be her parents' social situations, not with her own friends. I just want a daughter who can come out and do some card tricks when I don't feel like being a good host.

Immediately Attractive Upon College Graduation - She gets that diploma and BOOM, like a switch, she's a hottie. I'm fine with it. She'll be old enough by that point that I'll be ok with her being with other people. Until then, she wouldn't be a hag but I won't have to chase the guys (or girls) away.

Flight - As part of puberty, she would gain the power of flight. Then when she's 17, she wouldn't need a driver's license. She could just fly to where she needs to go. There is a much smaller chance of collision in the sky than on the road. You can't put a price on peace of mind.

Curative Touch - I want to be able to witness every milestone in our daughter's life but I got a head start on her on the ol' calendar. If she could heal any malady I come upon in life with a touch on the arm, I would love that. I'm sure my wife would be cool with it, too.

Happiness - Nobody likes a downer. I hope she enjoys every day she has with a smile on her face. I know I will.

1 comment:

Alejandra said...

I can't believe you find soccer unpatriotic. psht.