Thursday, July 2, 2009

Tor's News Nuggets: 7/2/09

Bernie Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison. Weird, that's the same amount of time it will take me to understand what a Ponzi scheme is.

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is refusing to step down from office in spite of his unprofessional behavior. In fact, he is going to hold his breath until everyone agrees.

Mississippi was voted the fattest state in the country for the fifth straight year. To celebrate, the governor's taking everyone out for ice cream.

Pat Boone, the singer from the 50s and 60s turned conservative political activist, is convinced that Barack Obama was born outside the U.S. and states Americans deserve to see Obama's birth certificate. I think Americans would rather see Pat Boone's death certificate.

It has been announced that Kevin Jonas is engaged prompting every middle school guy to reply, "To a dude, right? I knew it," which prompted every middle school girl to say, "Shut up! Ok, don't panic. There's still 2. The odds are worse, sure, but I can do it," which prompted every middle school math teacher to go, "She said odds? Really? And she knew they were worse? It's moments like these that make it all worth it."

A new study shows that having sex daily leads to healthier sperm. The study was paid for by every married man in the world.

1 comment:

Jen said...

Ponzi Scheme...Sounds like an episode of "Happy Days."