On the bright side, this was the least ridiculous on Minaya's list of accusations. Tor's Take was able to get its hands on the list and we want to share them with you.
- Shane Victorino gets his speed by eating Hawaiian babies.
- Steve Phillips invented razor burn.
- Billy Beane did not come up with the Moneyball system. It was Fred Moneyball, an accountant in Iowa.
- The Ghost of Andre Dawson* is responsible for the infamous "Natinals" jerseys.
- The moon landings of 1969 were faked not to boost American morale but to take attention away from the Mets' improbable championship.
- Manny Ramirez took female fertility drugs because he wants to steal the identity of Tracy Chapman.
- Bobby Valentine cheats at Sudoku while dressed like a Harajuku girl.
- Ryan Church was planning an elaborate kidnapping scheme targeting Mr. Mets' children.
- David Ortiz started hitting home runs again because he replaced his belly fat with bionic belly fat.
- Willie Randolph's telekinetic powers, housed behind his enormous forehead, kept him from being fired two months sooner.
- Keith Hernandez dyes his hair gray in order to get the Just For Men endorsement deal.
- The New York Post has the most imaginative headlines in journalism.
* Tor's Take is aware that Andre Dawson is alive but Minaya's craaaaaaaazy.