A U.S. man, who was the first double-hand transplant patient, is still unable to feel. "I don't think he'll be able to play piano, either," said his unloved wife of 20 years.
A study shows that a single spelling mistake on a job application can ruin your chances of getting a job. The most common spelling mistake is "Dear Sir or Madman." Greg Bishop, a boss at Metlar's Savings and Loan, said "It shows a lack of caring. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to blow up the moon!"
A Wyoming man, who was camping with his family, fought off an attacking mountain lion with a chainsaw. The man was very nervous but just really glad he sprung for the most extensive Swiss Army Knife ever made.
A Missouri truck dealership is offering a free AK-47 with any truck purchase. I would hold out until they offer a jug of moonshine with four x's on it, a spittoon, and some other person-from-the-heartland stereotype. Might I suggest a farm animal to have sex with?
The Treasury Department canceled plans to hire a cartoonist to boost morale. Instead, they hired someone to teach them what "boost" means.