The President addressed critics of his All-Star Game-worn "mom jeans" by saying "they're comfortable." He then took a swig from his Sprite Zero, pulled on an embroidered Disney sweatshirt, and hopped in his minivan.
Stephen Baldwin filed for bankruptcy. Man, if it can happen to the guy who was good enough to replace Rick Moranis in the Flintstones sequel, it can happen to anyone.
Sarah Palin violated ethics laws by allowing a fund to be set up to defend her against ethics violations. Palin admitted she was wrong and if she could go back in time, she would have gotten rid of all ethics laws to begin with.
A 7.8 magnitude earthquake has actually brought New Zealand and Australia closer together. I think we found an acceptable replacement for Dr. Phil.
A 600-pound tortoise was deemed too large for a Kansas zoo and, therefore, was not kept. Confused about the whole thing, the zoo's elephants.
An amateur astronomer, who claims to spend about "20 hours a week" observing Jupiter, discovered a new spot on the surface. Scientists think that a meteor the size of Earth crashed into the planet while Jupiter thinks the guy is creepy and will be installing curtains.