Monday, February 15, 2010

Lesser Known Pairs Figure Skating Moves

The Pizza Dough - This move is dangerous and can't be done with those female giants we usually see at the Olympics. Your partner must be no taller than 106 cm and weigh no more than 4 stone. If you want to point out the fun of measuring weight for a pizza-named move in stones, you may. The male partner, or "pizza maker," must toss the appropriate-sized female into the air with her body parallel to the ground and spinning counter-clockwise. Then, the male will catch the female on his fists and repeat the toss 2 more times. Kneading can be added for style points but is not necessary.

The Women's Rights Movement - A reversal of the status quo that requires a couple of extra hours in the gym for the female. The female simply holds the male over her head by his crotch with one arm. This is also sometimes referred to as The G.I. Jane or The Revenge of the Nards.

Turkey Bowling - The female tucks herself into as small a package as she possibly can. The male skates to one end of the rink and releases her bowling style across the ice towards the opposite side. The male immediately skates as fast he can to the other side, passing the female along the way. The male positions himself as the "pin" and awaits impact. A timed cymbal smash in the music always adds to the final score.

The Moonwalk - Judges always expect fluidity in motion among the skaters but why not surprise them with the opposite? The skaters move in unison as if on the moon. They lumber in slow motion on the front of their skates as they deal with the weaker gravity. Then, to finish the program, the male picks up the female and sticks her into the ice. She extends her arm to the side as her country's flag emerges from her sleeve and waves to the joy of the crowd.

The Junior - The female tucks herself into as small a package as she possibly can. She is placed under the costume of the male partner at the base of the torso. The male obviously cannot wear a one-piece costume unless it has a zipper. The male does the whole program with the female in the "womb." At the end, the male releases, or births, the female for final poses. If the male is wearing the one-piece with the zipper, he may take the female out through the zipper to have a c-section as an alternative.

The Clean Up On Aisle 7 - One of the skaters must have long hair or wear a wig. The partner without the long hair picks up the other partner and holds him upside down with hair splayed on the ice. The "mop" might want to think about using forehead padding as ice is traditionally hard. The "mopper" proceeds to clean the whole rink. At the end, the "mopper" puts herself in a spin that continues until a hole is cut in the ice. To finish the performance, the "mopper" shoves the mop into the hole, or "bucket." Pose for applause.

1 comment:

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