After I press play, there's a little girl building a sand castle and this boy comes up to her and pushes her to the ground. It's hilarious. I almost spit out my beer. That girl grows up, I think, and she has hot friends like the girl from "The Hulk" and Rachel from "Friends." They start blabbering about something dumb that I could not understand, probably "Sex and the City."
From what I could tell, "Hulk" girl is married to the douchebag from "Wedding Crashers" but he's not happy with her after falling for Scarlett Johansson at a grocery store. Rachel wants to marry Good Will Hunting's boyfriend but he won't because he knows he's getting cow milk for free. Smart dude. The original girl wants E from "Entourage" but E is into ScarJo who is best friends with the grown up version of the girl from "Firestarter." Original girl finds out E is really not into her (hey, like the title) from the mouth of the Mac (or the PC, it's the less nerdy one) guy.
So "Wedding Crashers" guy starts having an affair with ScarJo which is implied as I never get to see any boobs. They make out but that's not cheating. I let it play while I go use the can. These wings are going right through me.
We're back. I took a little longer than expected because the bisexual girl from "House" is on the cover of the new Maxim. Holy crap! She's an 11! What's going on in the movie? Oh look, original girl is being boring while on the phone with the Mac guy (Googled it). What a surprise. This movie blows. I'm going to line up some shots of Jager. Something's going to get me through this.
Drinking game: Every time a girl on the screen whines, I do a shot.
Firestarrter!1! tWistd Fieestarrer! Woowoowoowoo! Woowoowowowooo!! Wrapp e in a papoose and wakl him around towm! This moovieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Oh my head. I must have blacked out. Why is the Mac guy kissing that first girl? Why did Affleck ask Rachel to marry him? What's wrong with these guys? Why did they give up? I give it 2 balls undescended. I'm going to the bar to drink through this headache and find some women without convictions.