Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tor's Onion Stories: September 29, 2009

Here are 10 more stories that I would submit to The Onion. Unfortunately, The Onion does not accept submissions from people with last names consisting solely of 3 letters. Just my stupid luck. I'm paying the price for having an easy time filling out Scantrons in grammar school.
  • Scientists Believe Homeless Man That Throws Own Feces Could Be Missing Link
  • Fat Kid, Roger Dawkins, Does Not Like Cake
  • "Cash For Myrrh" Not Nearly As Successful As Hoped
  • Native American Destroys Old Camera Reclaiming Grandfather's Soul
  • Boater Designs New Anchor Shaped Like Ex-Wife
  • Sad Ant Strains To Lift Half Its Body Weight
  • Soccer League Shut Down Due To Too Much Action
  • Odd-Looking Proctologist Swears He's Not An Alien
  • Cherry Bomb Prank Backfires And Improves School's Plumbing System
  • Portugal To Bring Back Feudalism, Disappointment
How about these? Would you like to see these in print form? Write your congressman.

2 comments:

jim said...

HaHa !! Love the soccer league shut down. ONION is missing out on your talent.

Kevin Tor said...

Thanks, Jim!