Tor's Onion Stories: September 29, 2009

Here are 10 more stories that I would submit to The Onion. Unfortunately, The Onion does not accept submissions from people with last names consisting solely of 3 letters. Just my stupid luck. I'm paying the price for having an easy time filling out Scantrons in grammar school.

• Scientists Believe Homeless Man That Throws Own Feces Could Be Missing Link
• Fat Kid, Roger Dawkins, Does Not Like Cake
• "Cash For Myrrh" Not Nearly As Successful As Hoped
• Native American Destroys Old Camera Reclaiming Grandfather's Soul
• Boater Designs New Anchor Shaped Like Ex-Wife
• Sad Ant Strains To Lift Half Its Body Weight
• Soccer League Shut Down Due To Too Much Action
• Odd-Looking Proctologist Swears He's Not An Alien
• Cherry Bomb Prank Backfires And Improves School's Plumbing System
• Portugal To Bring Back Feudalism, Disappointment

How about these? Would you like to see these in print form? Write your congressman.