Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tor's Onion Stories: September 29, 2009

Here are 10 more stories that I would submit to The Onion. Unfortunately, The Onion does not accept submissions from people with last names consisting solely of 3 letters. Just my stupid luck. I'm paying the price for having an easy time filling out Scantrons in grammar school.
  • Scientists Believe Homeless Man That Throws Own Feces Could Be Missing Link
  • Fat Kid, Roger Dawkins, Does Not Like Cake
  • "Cash For Myrrh" Not Nearly As Successful As Hoped
  • Native American Destroys Old Camera Reclaiming Grandfather's Soul
  • Boater Designs New Anchor Shaped Like Ex-Wife
  • Sad Ant Strains To Lift Half Its Body Weight
  • Soccer League Shut Down Due To Too Much Action
  • Odd-Looking Proctologist Swears He's Not An Alien
  • Cherry Bomb Prank Backfires And Improves School's Plumbing System
  • Portugal To Bring Back Feudalism, Disappointment
How about these? Would you like to see these in print form? Write your congressman.


jim said...

HaHa !! Love the soccer league shut down. ONION is missing out on your talent.

Kevin Tor said...

Thanks, Jim!