Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Freakin' Greedy Planet

BP, one of the world's energy leaders, has discovered a "giant" oil field in the Gulf of Mexico. I just knew the Earth was holding out on us. Time to take action.

Dear My Planet,

It is with great regret that I write this letter on behalf of the energy-needing inhabitants of you. You really hurt our feelings with this one. How could you hog all that awesome oil? Did you think we wouldn't find it? It's the Gulf of Mexico. That's like hiding it in your sock.

Have you not noticed all that work we've been putting into solar energy and wind energy because we thought the oil was going away. All that work could have gone to better things like building machines to harvest that oil. Even though I have low self-esteem, I'm going to face up when I walk from now on because I can't even look at you. What else are you hiding, Earth? Are you putting whispers of anti-universal health care propaganda on the midwestern winds? Are you using natural reflectors to intensify the sun's heat to melt the ice caps thus tricking us into believing in global warming?

I'd like to say this whole thing can go away with a formal apology but it's time to hand down a punishment. It's going to cost you one rainforest and three pandas. It's a real shame it had to come to this but we need you to know we're serious and to ensure that this sort of planetary insubordination does not happen again.

Kevin Tor
Human Representative of Earth

PS - We're taking three from your "Top 5 List of Pandas." You shouldn't keep a blog with animal rankings. That really came back to bite you on your ass/Australia.

1 comment:

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