Looks Like Some Fun, Feels Like A Cheetah

A cheetah in Ohio broke the land speed record held by a cheetah in South Africa. Apparently zoos run 100 meter dashes with their cheetahs. I don't want to sound like a speciesist (which is a real thing) but are we at a point in society where we say one cheetah is faster than another? Is it really going to say under "Fastest Animal" in the Guiness Book of World Records, "Sarah the cheetah," rather than "cheetah?"

Sarah better watch out. Zaza, another female cheetah in South Africa, is taking a run at the new record once the weather clears. I guess we don't want the elements to interfere with our cheetah races. Zaza might be under speculation though. Not because she might be a male - that doesn't matter. I'm concerned she might be Usain Bolt in a cheetah suit. Check for zippers.

The picture was already posed that way. Coincidence?

Look, we all had childhood crushes on Cheetara.

Meee-ooow! Am I right?

And this may be all fine and good when the Thundercats actually do come to our planet but, until then, can we not individualize man-killing animals? This is how it starts. You let them run some races. Everyone's having a good time.

Person 1: Oh, look how fast Raj the Cheetah runs.

Person 2: Ingrid at the San Diego Zoo would run circles around Raj.

Person 1: You're crazy!

And then, BOOM!

No more humans.

That's how we took out the dinosaurs.

They're watching a human race on the TV.

(Cue ominous music) You've been warned.