Brandon Marshall: Role Model

Brandon Marshall, the wide receiver for the Denver Broncos, is in talks for a large contract extension despite his horrible behavior in preseason practices. If you are unaware of his behavior, watch the first 45 seconds of this video. After all of that nonsense (ass clownity?), how does he get rewarded? How? Maybe this is the way it works. Maybe this is how I should be doing comedy. I'm pretty talented. I deserve better. Until I get my own sitcom (or this entry ends), I'm going to mail it in, too.

Mail It In Section

I'm the best comedy blogger out there. I don't need this blog. I could blow your mind right now with humorous thoughts. Believe that.

How much longer until this is over?

The fish used in McDonald's Filet-O-Fish sandwich is at risk due to overfishing. You know what's not at risk? Me attempting to come up with a good joke for that because I'm not going to overfish for a punchline. Hey-o!

Who wants my top 10 list of other things Joe Wilson contemplated yelling before settling on "You Lie?" Well, too bad. It's a shame, too, because three of them involve dinosaurs. What Who?

Are we done? Can I go home now? More? Fine.

Whitney Houston had her first number one album in 16 years. Does that mean we should throw a Super Sweet birthday party for her drug addiction? Ack! Ack! Ack!

Katherine Heigl is adopting a Korean baby. Expect her to call adoption degrading to women in about 6 months. Did that joke's knees just slide across the rug cause that's a burn!!!

Ellen Degeneres is going to be the 4th judge on American Idol next season. Fox is already installing a mama chair in the Nokia Theater and the Top 24 will get Ellen underwear. Pa-dow!

Done now? Good.

It's on you, Hollywood!

Thanks, Brandon Marshall. You're an inspiration.