Live Blogging My 30th Birthday

8:42 - I'm officially 30 now. My 20s are behind me. I see good things, especially if it's filled with all the wonderful people that wished me well today. Take care. Live blogging out. Happy New Year, All!

7:15 - I think I need to get a yard and a porch so I can yell at kids if they get too close.

6:49 - I think I've used more exclamation points today than in my previous 30 years. I don't think my aging heart can take this much textual excitement. It better not keep up.

6:37 - My cool birthday gift is that News Askew, the official news website for all things Kevin Smith have recognized my 30s porn and put it on their site.

I can't begin to describe how much this means to me and that it got posted on my birthday is incredible. I love Kevin Smith so much (So why don't I marry him? Grow up.) and the fact that he may see it is just too much to process. I made the video in the hopes of this happening. I'm very happy with the over 10000 views on YouTube but this is what it was all about. Happy Birthday, me!

6:35 - My birth time was 8:42 PM so I am not officially 30. Still I feel 30. I'm just waiting for the announcement of three of my favorite bands from college doing a concert together at the local arts center.

6:16 - Home from the doc. The dogs are walked. Moved twitter updates here. Will continue updates after I thank everyone on Facebook.

5:02 - I miss my couch.

4:46 - I got it. Doogie ending: Smirk. But going to the doctor can add a bigger chunk onto the end. Nope. That sucked. Damn.

4:35 - This is a significant chunk of my birthday in a doctor's office. Um...I'm trying to have smirking epiphany like Doogie Howser.

4:25 - Rob Thomas, I have to ask you to leave my bday. You're going to have to be lonely for a little more. I refuse to bop along.

3:52 - Bad Day is playing in the waiting room. I can honestly say with the facebook love, I have not had one. Thanks all.

3:46 - I got a really cool birthday gift that I am going to be mysterious about until I can have more than 140 spaces to talk.

3:40 - I'm actually at the podiatrist. I apologize for the cheap ass joke but if this guy touches my bum...there will be words.

3:35 - At the doctor as you should be on your 30th bday. Its times like these I wish my prostate was on the outside of my body.

2:30 - I'm leaving birthday lunch +52 in my bad cholesterol and going dark like Jack Bauer for an hour or so.

1:50 - They changed the chicken tenders at fridays. They taste like chicken mcnuggets now. I should have just licked the floor.

1:25 - The whole party is here now so we can celebrate fridays style. They checked my id and Joe was angry they did not realize it was my birthday despite his "read the date" blatant nudges.

1:05 - I got my girly drink and my friends are here. Wendy got engaged. Congrats to Wendy and Eric.

12:50 - I'm glad Guy Fieri is a meal chef guru for Fridays now and not the lead singer of Smash Mouth.

12:23 - I'm at Fridays waiting for my friends to show. This is probably the best way to kick off my 30s health-wise.

11:50 - On the road. Next update at the restaurant otherwise my wife will kill me for texting and driving.

11:46 - when I got out of the shower, I only put deodorant on one pit. Is this the first sign of senility? Sigh.

11:27 - Ok, first we have a correction. I forgot about a gchat birthday wish so number 30 was Bill Franke. Well done, Bill. Next, my wife called to wish me "Happy Birthday." Yay, the suspense is over. She claims a Facebook status earlier in the morning but I doubt it. Not even worth checking. Also, a new comment from "Anonymous" on this blog entry states "My husband is a jerk." Weird. Some poor wife must have gone through to same thing on her birthday and wants me to know I'm not alone. Alright, I am off to birthday lunch with some friends. I will be liveblogging over at Twitter (follow me) and on Facebook statuses until I get home. Thanks for reading.

11:00 - Now I'm getting in the shower but number 30 came in and it wasn't wifey. Thanks, Holly.

10:54 - Getting in the shower. Maybe I'll leave one spot unwashed so I can smell the last of my 20s stank whenever I want.

10:50 - I figured it out. My wife is waiting to be the 30th person to wish me Happy Birthday on my 30th birthday which takes place on the 30th. She's so sweet.

10:26 - Time to pick up more poo. I feel like the plastic bag is not enough buffer.

10:17 - My wife is fine. She's just making me sweat it out.

10:14 - Why does HBO hate me? I checked their lineup for the day and it includes Racing Stripes and Firehouse Dog. I hate when animals do things like talk or fight fires. And Showtime has Charlotte's Web. That's just great. Thanks, Starz. I guess Daddy Day Camp (the sequel Eddie Murphy considered not good enough to do) is my premium channel movie gift.

10:05 - I just sent my wife an email to make sure she made it to work. I don't want to be the bastard that is complaining about no birthday wishes when something terrible happened to her. Still, she could have wished it before she left and something terrible happened. 

9:57 - Sportscenter is doing a piece about Tiger Woods and LeBron James because they were also both born today. The piece is entitled "Great Birthdays." I was not included but I also don't play a sport. It wouldn't make sense. Still, both are endorsed by Nike. I think I should at least get a pair of sneakers from Nike for being born today. Stupid giant sports apparel and equipment company! Recognize, Nike!

9:53 - I find that I like Rob Thomas more. Not even Matchbox 20 but Rob Thomas solo. Is this part of turning 30? I don't want it. I have this urge to download "Streetcorner Symphony" but I'm fighting it. I don't want my iTunes recommendations to say "You may also enjoy Propecia, Rectal Exams, and Jon Secada."

9:40 - Let's get back to this porn twin. I'm going to assume that my smut doppelganger is in hetero porn. I have a gay twin and that's Norman from the first Real World. So there are videos out there with someone who looks a lot like me doing it up with porn ladies (maybe at the same time?). I've said this before in one of my Tor's Take vlogs: I'm not a porn guy. But I think I would watch someone who looks like me in a porn (probably no more than once unless I give a tremendous performance). For most straight guys, watching a porn is weird because you have to see some dude grunting and groaning over the girl but what if you were the dude? Ignore the narcissistic undertones, that's gotta be better. Right? Still pondering.

9:30 - Now I'm sad that my wife doesn't read my blog. I mean if I had to pick the one person who visits my blog every day, it would be her. I guess I was wrong.

8:55 - My wife loves me. I know she does but the Astrology spam in my yahoo email wished me Happy Birthday before her now. Spam, boo? Really?

8:35 - One of my dear friends, Jenn Rolnick-something-else wished me Happy Birthday and said I was her rock star mostly because I perform on stage and make creative things that some people enjoy. I do appreciate that but I am not a rock star nor can I ever become one. For one, I don't think I can ever be confident enough to stop singing and assume the crowd will take over the song while I hold the mic towards them. How awkward would it be if 40000 people just stared back at you with "Why did he stop singing?" looks. Also, I would probably stop everything in the middle of my ballad if I saw lighters or cell phones swaying and ask them to stop immediately and then scold them about how they should know better. Besides that, I hate bus rides and leather. 

8:15 - I checked my latest video on YouTube because I'm obsessed with reading comments even though they are supposed to roll off my back. My friend Maryanne said that when she turned 30, she stopped caring about what other people thought. It shut off like a switch or like when Sylvester Stallone turns his hat around in Over the Top but I don't think that happened. Still, the latest comment was from Blovinjack:

"WAIT isnt this guy a porn star? like fo reals?"

I am not a porn star but I am curious to see my porn twin. Having a porn twin would be sweet because...well, I don't know why but I have all day to think about it. On How I Met Your Mother, Ted Mosby finds out that there's a porn star that uses his name as his porn name. I'm not sure what's better: seeing your name on a porn box or your face.

8:01 - I watched my wife put her coat on and kiss me goodbye. There were no hidden Happy Birthday messages on that kiss. That kiss goodbye could have happened on August 5th. What's the deal? I know the jig is up when she sees this but I'm up to 17 Facebook people wishing me Happy Birthday before her. Sad, wifey. Sad.

7:56 - My wife just yelled out from the bathroom.

Wife

Hey baby?

Me

(expectantly)

Yes?

Wife

What time is it?

7:54 - Facebook has wished me a Happy Birthday before my wife.

7:25 - Got up, walked the dogs and picked up poop, had a glass of Metamucil. This is how every 30th birthday probably begins. Stared at my wife awkwardly before I walked the dogs but she did not wish me a Happy Birthday. Maybe after she gets out of the shower.