Going To The Movies: Izzie Stevens

Izzie Stevens agreed to get away from Seattle Grace Hospital and go to a movie with me. I flew out Friday night to meet for an afternoon matinee of Four Christmases on Saturday. Izzie continually left to get concessions but never came back with any. She also looked increasingly more unkempt with every return. In all, I would say she saw no more than 45 minutes of the movie.

Kevin

Izzie, thanks for coming out. 

Izzie

(runs fingers through hair)

Thanks for having me.

Kevin

Can I ask you where you went 10 times?

Izzie

I went for snacks.

Kevin

You never came back with snacks. Did you eat them in the lobby on your walk back?

Izzie

(smiles at something to the left)

Yeah, yeah.

Kevin

Are you listening to me?

Izzie

(turns back to me)

Of course.

Kevin

I know you didn't watch most of the movie but what did you think of what you saw?

Izzie ignores the question and laughs off to the left. Kevin stares confused.

Kevin

Izzie!

Izzie

Yeah?

Kevin

Can you ask Denny what he thought of the movie?

Izzie

What?

Kevin

Your dead, ex-lover Denny. You see him sitting next to you. You had sex with him many times during the movie in the dirty theater bathroom. Ask him about the movie.

Izzie

(lots of emotional tears out of nowhere)

How do you know about Denny?

Kevin

How are you crying so fast? Really? A dead guy? There has to be something wrong with your brain. Like seriously wrong. I'm not a doctor like you but you need a CAT scan. How have you not brought yourself in and had Dr. Shepherd look at you?

Izzie

(crying)

Well...I...it just feels really good...you know?

Kevin

I don't know. I like mingling sexually with alive and real people. Dead and/or imaginary is a deal breaker for me. But I'm sure that's true for all non-sociopaths.

Izzie

(crying and yelling)

ARE YOU CALLING ME A SOCIOPATH?!?

Kevin

If the clog fits. I can't believe I flew out for this! Let's wrap it up! Four Christmases was the usual point-the-camera-at-Vince-Vaughn-and-let-him-ramble comedy. Aside from some funny lines, it was a waste of time. I'd like to thank Izzie and Denny for being on the show.

Izzie

(crying)

I hope something bad happens to you.

Kevin

Well, if it does and I die, don't feel bad and have sex with me. I'd rather spend the afterlife doing anything else.