Going To The Movies: Vic Mackey

I'm starting a new series on my blog where I take a TV character and discuss a movie with him or her. Today, I went to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua with Vic Mackey from The Shield. 

Kevin

Alright, Vic. Thanks for coming to the movies with me.

Vic Mackey

Let's make this quick. I got the Chief up my ass for dodging police work while I'm on the clock.

Kevin

Understood. What did you think of Beverly Hills Chihuahua?

Vic Mackey

It sucked. You got some pampered mutt getting her paws dirty south of the border finding help from lowlife scum. It's not easy to swallow.

Kevin

You felt sorry for the dog? Chloe?

Vic Mackey

Not at all. The only way man's Mexican best friend is helping Chloe is if there's the promise of some sweet Chihuahua dump hump on the back end.

Kevin

Dump hump? Creepy. So you didn't find the movie with talking dogs on an adventure believable.

Vic Mackey

Are you cracking wise, Tor? Because you and I can take a ride down to Cartel Town. I'll dress you up in the wrong colors, crazy glue some guns into each of your hands.

Kevin

Vic, I'm a comedian. I was being funny.

Vic Mackey

Were you? I thought you were being disrespectful.

Kevin

Can we get back to the movie?

Vic Mackey

Why? Don't like your kitchen hot? A little confrontational bear hug got your cojones in a vice?

Kevin

What?

Vic Mackey

Running narcos with Spanish bullion over Spook Street.

Kevin

Are you ok? Your eye is twitching.

Vic Mackey

Popping cherries down at the old folk's home with Ramon.

Kevin

Who's Ramon?

Vic Mackey

Biz Lats! Juice Newton! Pension! Badge! I.S.A.!

Kevin (O.S.)

Can we go to commercial? Something's wrong.

Cut to commercial for Friday's and cut back to show.

Kevin

And we're back. I want to thank Vic Mackey for coming on the show and I hope he recovers. I don't think he liked the movie though his criticism was lacking. I guess it's understandable, what with the stroke and all. Myself? I didn't care for the movie, either. We've gotten so spoiled with fantastic, talking animal movies over the past few years (Racing Stripes, Cats and Dogs, Blonde and Blonder) that this felt inferior from the opening scene. A real shame with how amazing the trailer looked. Well, that's our show. Tune in next time when our guest will be Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother. Very excited about that one. Good night.