Friday, January 16, 2009

Bien-Gordito A Miami

Miami was voted the fattest city in the country by someone I don't feel like looking up. In accordance with the rules of dealing with fat things I will now rattle off a few "Your city's so fat" jokes.

Your city's so fat...
  • an earthquake hit it and bacon grease came out of the destruction.
  • it makes a hit John Mellencamp song seem like it could be about New York City.
  • there aren't enough minuses to hit on Google Maps to see the whole thing.
  • they created a proportional Costcostco that has a supply of regular-sized Costcos inside.
  • when a bad hurricane hits, they don't issue a State of Emergency, they issue a Pangaea of Emergency.
  • the office buildings are deep-fried.
  • Kevin Costner found it in Waterworld.
  • Florida stopped being called America's Penis and is now referred to as America's Trailer Hitch
  • people sky dive over it without a parachute.
  • the Biscayne Bay looks like an eighth grade density experiment with water on the bottom and cooking oil on top.
  • the fire hydrants dispense mayonnaise.

1 comment:

JPB said...

"America's Penis?" Gaaaa!
I grew up on the Gulf Coast...I believe you Yankees refer to it as, "America's Funky Crotch."