Bien-Gordito A Miami

Miami was voted the fattest city in the country by someone I don't feel like looking up. In accordance with the rules of dealing with fat things I will now rattle off a few "Your city's so fat" jokes.

Your city's so fat...

• an earthquake hit it and bacon grease came out of the destruction.
• it makes a hit John Mellencamp song seem like it could be about New York City.
• there aren't enough minuses to hit on Google Maps to see the whole thing.
• they created a proportional Costcostco that has a supply of regular-sized Costcos inside.
• when a bad hurricane hits, they don't issue a State of Emergency, they issue a Pangaea of Emergency.
• the office buildings are deep-fried.
• Kevin Costner found it in Waterworld.
• Florida stopped being called America's Penis and is now referred to as America's Trailer Hitch
• people sky dive over it without a parachute.
• the Biscayne Bay looks like an eighth grade density experiment with water on the bottom and cooking oil on top.
• the fire hydrants dispense mayonnaise.