American Idol Season 9 - Top 3 (Elimination)

Dear Casey,

Ever since you took off your shirt to get a "yes" for a ticket to Hollywood, I knew you were going to go far in this competition. It takes a special, pec-less man to stand on stage and do what can marginally be considered singing in front of millions of people. You were a macho Taylor Hanson. The good thing is that you realized how fortunate you were to get to the Top 3. You never had an iota of entitlement and I respect that. Good luck to you and your guitar skills. Now put your shirt on and get out of the way. We're trying to get a picture of the two people who were written into the finals 12 weeks ago.

Sincerely,

Kevin

American Idol Season 9 - Top 3

There will be an abbreviated American Idol recap today. There is a lot of baby stuff to get done around the house so I don't think I can take the time. Tonight was Lee's night. Everyone can agree on that. Let's start with the Idols' choices.

Casey James - "Ok, It's Alright With Me" - I don't know the song. It sounded fine. Nothing exciting. Still, I think this is a song style that Casey can be good at. He could go the John Mayer route of limited vocals/awesome guitar. He just has to avoid Jessica Simpson.

Crystal Bowersox - "Come To My Window" - That was a weird arrangement of it. Did she take all of the lyrics and put them in bingo machine? It was such a mess and didn't sound that great, either.

To window come my

Lee DeWyze - "Simple Man" - It was very good. So much better than last week. They should have called him BP because he killed that Seal but this is how you move on. This first round was like picking between LeBron James and two of me from my high school JV team. Hint -Take LeBron.

And now the judges' choices:

Casey James - "Daughters" - This was pure sabotage by Kara and Randy. Everyone was pretty sure Casey was going home this week before he opened his mouth but Kara and Randy did all they could to ensure it short of giving him "I'm Every Woman." I know I said he's a John Mayer type but this is a terrible John Mayer song and there was little he could do with it.

Crystal Bowersox - "Maybe I'm Amazed" - Surprisingly good. I did not know she could do the screaming parts. Light years better than the Melissa Etheridge song. This was Empire Strikes Back and that was Phantom Menace. Way to make the Finals, StarWarsox.

Lee DeWyze - "Hallelujah" - I was not happy with this choice by Simon. It felt lazy. Not only does this song belong to Jason Castro but Tim Urban did it about ten weeks ago. It's been done this season! Regardless, Lee sang it so well. This contest was like my groceries when I get back from the store - in the environmentally-safe bag. He deserves to win the whole thing. Sorry, Crystal.

Going Home: Casey James

American Idol Season 9 - Top 4 (Elimination)

Dear Big Mike,

You were bound to leave the Idol stage at some point. It's best that it was by being voted off and not by accidentally snapping a mentor's neck while lifting them up in a hug. Then Seacrest would have to shoot you like George shot Lennie. It would have made for compelling television, something Idol hasn't had this season.

I have been tough on you on this blog. Know that it wasn't your singing but your actions that caused me to dislike you. Actions do speak louder than vocally-extended words. The fist pumps. The double-handed waving to the crowds. The lip licking. The head toss. The forearm X. The Aaron Kelly lifts. The fedora positioning. The chest pounding. It all left a bad taste in my mouth that repeated rinses with Listerine have not removed.

However, I wish you well. I hope your daughter grows up to be everything you want her to be and I hope your wife gets her eyes fixed because they were constantly leaking. Be well, Big Mike, and stay out of my iTunes. I don't want to hear your name ever again.

Sincerely,

Kevin

American Idol Season 9 - Top 4

Jamie Foxx was the mentor for Songs from the Movies night. I decided to copy his t-shirt idea and hand out t-shirts to each of the contestants tonight. It was a really weak night for American Idol. Even Lee wasn't good. At least there were the duets.

Lee DeWyze - "Kiss From A Rose" - Not good this week, Lee. Falsetto is not a place to be. He needs to never do that again. The chorus was the only good part. Lee is allowed a bad night, though. Kris Allen had a tough time with "All She Wants to do is Dance" last season and he ended up fine. I think Lee is safe. Here is his t-shirt:

Sorry, Lee. It's usually Heidi Klum's problem.

Big Mike - "Will You Be There?" - Answer - "Will I? I can't. Sorry. It's pretty hectic. Can you call someone else?" This performance had no effort. He even left the cheesiness out. There was nothing to it. Adding a choir did nothing but make him sound worse.

I got a deal on this because they forgot to print the "with"

Lee and Crystal - "Falling Slowly" - Amazing! I watched it three times. This is why these two should be in the final. Crystal held that together by harmonizing with Lee. I don't think Lee is used to harmonizing. The thing I didn't like were the judges' comments. The only reason Randy or Simon even knows this song is because of the awesome job Kris Allen did on it last season and yet no mention of him. Just typical of this season forgetting the former champ.

Casey James - "Mrs. Robinson" - This was mellow and much better than last week but it was still not worthy of a Top 3 Idol contestant. He seemed to be very conscious of his vibrato problem and tried to avoid holding notes. Therefore, he sang it like he was in a library or like he was being yelled at by his boss.

Casey is like March.

Crystal Bowersox - "I'm Alright" - She made the stupid song from Caddyshack great. I loved it. It was the only good solo performance. I'm glad Crystal is back in the competition. I was worried that everything was getting to her. She was cranky and talking back. It's like she grew up this week after a toddler phase. Hence:

A new classic

Casey and Big Mike - "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?" - Casey's guitar work was incredible. He should get to stay just for that. I actually felt like Big Mike ruined the song when he entered. Casey was doing a solid job with it. This was not in the same class as Lee and Crystal's duet. In fact, it should get a tutor and maybe stay back a year.

Bottom Three: I don't think they are doing this but I would say that Lee is safe and the others would be here. That said, it will either be Casey or Big Mike. I want Big Mike to go but I think it will be Casey. That or I've noticed that I've picked wrong the last few weeks and I want to work with my streak.

Going Home: Casey James

American Idol Season 9 - Top 5 (Elimination)

And then there were 2.

Wait, I got ahead of myself. Big Mike and Casey are still around. I advanced the show to its logical conclusion before the producers got to do it. Think I'm being silly, though? How much were Big Mike and Aaron involved in the Ford commercial or the medleys? Not much. The judges are so pro-Lee that they haven't commented on his pitch problems since pre-Top 12. I've read many American Idol blogs talking about his pitch problems. I don't claim to know about singing in tune. However, I did hear a bad note or two when I rewatched this week's show. Still, they want him in the finals and Crystal too. No amount of love for Big Mike is going to change that or shots of Casey's butt for that matter.

There was no Bottom 3 this week.

Bottom 2:

Big Mike - The voting public must love pork because that's the only way to explain how this ham has made it this far. He will have another week of Randy praising him and America not voting for him. It really bothers me how much joy his wife shows in his survival while someone else's dream is shattered. I swear significant others in the past have shown much more subtlety in their celebrations of earning another week. Though, I wouldn't expect Big Mike to marry someone who is subtle. That's like a bear marrying an unsubtle bear.

Aaron Kelly - I never liked him but he's in the right place for Idol losers - country. If you don't win Idol, it is best to go country. This isn't a knock on the type of music but former Idol contestants have found solid careers in country music.

1. Kelly Pickler - She has won actual awards!?!?
2. Josh Gracin - He was the marine.
3. Bucky Covington - He was not very good but he's apparently good now!
4. Phil Stacey - Bet you never thought you'd see his lemur-like face again.
5. Kristy Lee Cook - She's got some looks to her...
6. Danny Gokey - Really??

Final Thoughts: We are a week away from getting to hear Lee and Crystal sing twice. That's something to look forward to. I have no other thoughts other than the fact that I love Lady Gaga. For me, for you, this wasn't her best performance but I'm still a fan. She just entertains. She can sing the phone book or monotone speak the phone book. It doesn't matter. I love when she takes the stage. I wish she would mentor. Maybe next season.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 6 (Eliminations)

Shania Twain Week ended without a Shania Twain performance but we got two performances with Rascal Flatts. The lead singer of Rascal Flatts is going for the look of "drag queen at his day job."

Tonight! At Boa's! Edie Rascal!

It was a lot of country tonight. After Rascal Flatts, Carrie Underwood came out to not sing and then introduce a band full of every character Bill Hader plays on SNL. They played for 45 to 107 minutes. My fast forward button asked me to take a break halfway through. Lady Antebellum sang a song, too. I like this song because it allows me to check out other radio stations when it comes on. The final performance was Shakira with Rascal Flatts. That went together like tone-deaf oil and boring water. It was a successful night.

Bottom 3:

Michael Lynche - Big Mike will never go home. He will continue to appear on my television screen pounding his chest and licking his lips long after the season ends. At some point, he will come out of the television like the killer girl in "The Ring" and continually bear hug lift me without my permission. I'm finding a way to come to terms with this. I see no other outcome.

Casey James - Casey was good this week but that's not enough anymore. He didn't build a large enough following with all of his average performances. That's what you need. Crystal was not good this week but she has a following. I think he makes it one more week.

Siobhan Magnus - She has just not been as good or entertaining as she was back in the beginning of the competition. There's only enough room in this competition for one boring person and America prefers Aaron's boredom over hers. It's a shame. I actually prefer her boredom because it had a chance to go away.

Final Thought: This is probably the worst Top 5 in Idol history. If I could never hear Aaron and Big Mike sing again then that means I figured out that I don't have to watch the show. I can watch literally anything else. However, they are still here and I will have to find another way to say how skeevy Mike is or how dull Aaron is. Does America know how hard it is to write about them every week? At least we have Lee and Crystal.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 6

Shania Twain Week was better than I thought it was going to be. She's so likable. Is she Irish Canadian? Her accent is confusing. She sounded like Brad Pitt in "Snatch" at times. Anyway, I guess if there has to be a "country" week on American Idol, this was the way to do it.

Lee DeWyze - "You're Still The One" - Lee is like a 1994 Ford Taurus. He's reliable. Another solid performance from him and that's all he needs to do on this show. I simply like hearing him sing. More like Lee DeBecauze! Am I right?

Big Mike - "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing" - The stairs have been bad luck this season. Aaron and Siobhan had terrible moments starting on the stairs. Big Mike licks his lips too much. Are they chapped? Also, I think he wears all of the jewelry and accessories to hold him down from floating away on his inflated ego. He must have studied Wanya Morris from Boyz II Men because he does all of his movements. Watch.

The difference is that Wanya Morris earned the right to look like a pompous ass by selling millions and millions and millions of albums.

Casey James - "Don't" - I liked Jealous Guy better but this was good, too. It's nice when he doesn't stand on stage and jam on the electric. We all know he can play a mean ax. (Is that right? Or is it "axe?") When he pushes his voice, he vibrates like he's sitting in a massage chair on high at Brookstone. Casey James - he's gr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-e-a-a-t!

Crystal Bowersox - "No One Needs To Know" - I'm not enjoying this at all. What's happening? Will she be in the Bottom 3? It's possible. She got very defensive when the judges actually criticized her. America doesn't like that and because she has been shining every week, this is the first time we've seen this side of her. Ew, Crystal. Bad form.

Aaron Kelly - "You Got a Way" - Aaron was like a giant drill making a tunnel in the side of a mountain because...wait for it...he was boring! What kind of musical career could he possibly have? The only thing I can think of is he could play Ben Stein's teacher part in a Ferris Bueller musical.

Bueller! Have you seen that student?

Bueller! His attendance would be prudent.

Bueller! Bueller! BUELLERRRR!

(Cue Dancers)

Siobhan Magnus - "Any Man of Mine" - At one point, the mic tried to stop working to put us out of our misery. Actually, I don't know if it was her or the song. At times, it felt like she was singing the "Time Warp." That might have been better. Can Shania Twain go back in time and write that song instead? In fact, that's the perfect nickname for Siobhan - Rocky Horror. Her performances are shaky and frighteningly bad.

Bottom Three: I don't really care how much Randy thought this week was in Aaron's wheelhouse, he's in the Bottom Three. Joining him will be Big Mike because the voters don't even know who Luther Vandross is, let alone want someone who sounds like him. Also, he's icky to look at. For the last spot, it would be fun to see Crystal here because that would guarantee her a spot in the Final but I think it will be Casey over Siobhan. He had a good week but Rocky Horror has a loyal following.

Going Home: Aaron Kelly

American Idol Season 9 - Top 9 (Again - Double Elimination)

We made it through Elvis Week without anyone performing "Jailhouse Rock" or "Love Me Tender." I wish the same could be said about "Viva Las Vegas." That got the Idol lip-sync medley which was the equivalent of stuffing Elvis full of gravy, sticking him on the toilet, and force-feeding him pills. Fortunately for the Idols' prison records, that already happened a long time ago.

Ryan was better behaved tonight. Must have taken a contaminated bottle of 5-Hour Energy yesterday. Brooke White sang Elvis songs with either Miley Cyrus' ex or the guy who betrays the colonial army in every early-America movie. Not sure. And Adam Lambert gave my favorite performance of his on American Idol. He should have done that song last year. It was really good.

Going Home:

Andrew Garcia - To use my own version of a Simonism, he went from hero ("Straight Up") to zero ("Gimme Shelter") to "should we cheer-o?" ("Forever") to "the end is here-o" ("Hound Dog"). It's a shame because I truly feel he has it. He just got swallowed up by the competition. Check out "Straight Up" once more to realize what could have been.

Katie Stevens - I was never a fan of Katie. I didn't like her performances. She always picked these sassy, attitude-needing songs and she's just a sweet girl. If her personality is that of a happy girl, she should embrace that in her song choices. Why does she fight who she is? What does she have against being happy? There are children in Austria who are dying to be happy if their culture would just allow it.

Final Thoughts: I can't wait for Big Mike to sing an inspirational song next week! Since he sings the words of "Teddy Bear" like each one can give a T-cell back to an AIDS patient, I want to know what he would do with "Wind Beneath My Wings." Next week will be a disaster. Even Lee and Crystal can't save us. Best case - Aaron goes home.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 10 (Elimination)

We opened with a ridiculous montage comparing Simon Cowell to the Kraken which is stupid because the Kraken would never leave American Idol. Ruben Studdard came back to the stage with a performance that should have gotten him eliminated instead of the one who went home. Usher danced. Diddy lip-synched. It was a magical hour. My only problem is that they have to cram it all in to one hour. Why rush it? Let's make this a 4-hour results show and really take our time. I should talk to the producers.

Bottom 3:

Katie Stevens - I'm allowed to not like someone's singing voice. Maybe Simon's right. Maybe she should sing country. At the very least, we should have Simon and Kara debate this a few more times. I fear she is going home next week, leap-frogging over Tim and off the Idol stage.

Tim Urban - Smiles made it through another week. When I first saw him look into the camera with that "I'm a moth and that light is so beautiful" drugged-up stare, I knew he was Top 9 material. Didn't you?

Didi Benami - America hates tears. We're not some wussy country trying to get in touch with our feelings. This is a manly country and we pee standing up into the Atlantic Ocean (because Florida is our penis). Didi fell fast. She did not deserve to go home yet. She's had a few good performances which can't be said for Tim, Katie, or Andrew.

Final Thought: Well, I got the Bottom Three right. Just got the elimination wrong. It's not easy being a girl on American Idol. The teens sitting at home developing unhealthy crushes are all focused on the guys. That's how Tim keeps going. Next week's theme is songs from the McCartney/Lennon songbook. Does this mean Aaron Kelly will be doing an inferior "Imagine" to David Archuleta's the way he did an inferior "Ain't No Sunshine" to Kris Allen's? Will Big Mike glue a mop top onto his head like the purple strip he did last night? Will Casey James play electric guitar? Will Siobhan go with "I've Got A Feeling" so she can say the song dictated a scream and she had to do it? Will Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze sing 4 times each instead of letting the others go? I'm tuning in to see!

American Idol Season 9 - Top 11 (Elimination)

Good to see Randy is back to booing Simon at the beginning of the show. Last week was an aberration. Nice use of Autotune on the guys for "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go." It's great to see that a collection of America's greatest singers need help hitting notes.

I have had a few hours to think about yesterday's debacle of a show and I do blame Miley Cyrus a little. It falls on the mentor to get good performances out of the contestants. She could have helped them more. Or gotten her dad to.

Bottom 3:

Katie Stevens - It was not good for me but it certainly wasn't bad enough to go home. (Relatively.) I'm not sure what I want from her other than to not knock out one of the top performers (Crystal, Siobhan, Lee, Didi, Huey Lewis).

Tim Urban - I should have gotten this right. I rushed myself to finish the blog. He was in the Bottom 3 last week. It was obvious. I hope my readers will let me...slide? Nice.

Paige Miles - It was one of the worst performances I've ever seen on Idol. It was bad from note one. She had to go home. What's unfortunate was how good her exit performance was. Once Simon said she had no shot at getting the save, it was a total transformation. Nerves can be a cruel stagemate.

Final Thought: I was wrong to put Andrew Garcia in the Bottom 3, prediction-wise. He has a strong following. He needs to stick to his acoustic guitar and entertain all of his fans until he is voted off because, right now, he's terrible. At least when he was fooling around with acoustic guitar, I didn't have to fight with my thumb and the fast forward button. He's in Lil Rounds territory. Really early frontrunners who struggle get beaten to a pulp by the judges and stop being who they are. Their performances resemble someone who got on stage at karaoke and had a friend secretly pick the song. My gut is telling me Tim will be next followed by Katie. Then we could get a surprise of Big Mike. I feel like he's going home earlier than people realize. As the judges keep pointing out the overdramatic stage mannerisms, America will not be able to ignore them and then stop voting so they will go away.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 12 (Eliminations)

The night started off amazing (not with David Cook) but with Randy Jackson not booing Simon Cowell's introduction for the first time in 3 seasons. This is unprecedented, folks. I never thought the day would come. It just goes to show that there's hope in this crazy world. (Pause to gather myself.)

Bottom 3:

Tim Urban - His take on the Rolling Stones focused more on the "rolling." Am I right, mon? I'm not. I don't know what I'm talking about. Was that Jamaican? Should I go with a Jamaican joke now that puns "You're making?" No? Good. This was my mistake in my Bottom 3 predictions from yesterday. I expected his cuteness to carry him through but it's good to know he's vulnerable. I still expect him to make the Tour.

Paige Miles - The pity votes for laryngitis were not as big as I expected.. Time to step it up with a bigger disease next week. I would start by licking the fake Elvis outside Grauman's Chinese Theatre. He's gotta be covered in 20 years of LA germs. She needs a performance that is unanimously heralded by the judges to avoid going home next week.

Lacey Brown - It's the end of the road for the cub (that's a baby cougar). Her problem was she never figured out what jungle cat she wanted to be. She had a cougar face but wore leopard print and sometimes cheetah print. At this point in the competition, they are looking for someone that knows what exotic animal they want to be. That's why she's going home.

Final Thought: Andrew Garcia is more popular than I thought. How many weeks can he be ripped apart by the judges and stay out of the Bottom 3? I can't see it being much longer. I was surprised that the Idols are allowed to pick their "Save" song instead of being forced to sing the one that got them kicked off. That's a nice touch as it was always my complaint last year. Next week's theme has not been announced so I can't make a prediction as to who will go home. Let's say Paige for the heck of it.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 16 (Eliminations)

Well, that was something. I went 1 for 4 on my picks this week and I'm glad I got them wrong. I would never want to be associated with guessing last night's debacle of eliminations correctly. What is wrong with America?

Going Home:

Katelyn Epperly - I was worried about her. She picked one of the least enjoyable songs out of a list of every song ever created. I guess that was enough to condemn her to a four-person montage goodbye package. If anything, Katelyn deserved her own goodbye package. This was a big mistake by America. She was talented and pretty. Isn't that what this competition usually dreams of?

Todrick Hall - He never really shined. The Queen song was not enough to save him. Of all the people going home this week, he deserved it the most and not just because I picked him. Of consolation, I'm sure Fantasia will allow him to dance behind her again. Maybe not.

Alex Lambert - Mullets can do anyone in but I don't think that's what happened. If his performance this week was another step in the right direction, he would have been safe. A rugged, manly song of heartache does not fit his innocence. America doesn't like people who don't feel connected with their instrument. Kara's been right all along.

Lilly Scott - This was also ridiculous. Two of the Top 3 girls don't make the Top 12? She was right to be outraged. It couldn't have been the white hair. People love white hair more than mullets. Look at the major online push to get Betty White on SNL. This was a matter of her sound appealing to too small an audience. Talent doesn't always matter and it's a shame.

Going Forward: This was a bad week for Season 9. All four of these ousted performers had the chance to be great and America settled for good enough with Katie, Tim, Lacey, Paige, and Aaron. I anticipate they will be going home first. These four were intriguing. You don't know what they were going to do and that's good television. Todrick could have done a country version of Lady Gaga or a jazzy Kings of Leon and you wouldn't have blinked. Katelyn could have done a slow version of "Old Man River." We just don't know. And we never will.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 16 (Boys)

While the girls are trying to win the competition and are fighting to stay, the guys are doing everything they can to go home. Well, there's only 2 seats left on the bus to Idol obscurity. Who's fighting to get to the front of the ticket line?

Lee DeWyze - "Fireflies" - I'm not a fan of this song. I agree that he made it better but it was probably his weakest of the 3 live weeks (Sequel to 2 Live Crew?). When you want to go home, it's best to save your worst for last. Lee is in it to lose it!

Alex Lambert - "Trouble" - His voice isn't gritty enough for this song. This is like Justin Bieber trying to sing the blues. I think this is a major step backwards in the progress he was making. Good strategy, Lambert!

Tim Urban - "Hallelujah" - It's not right that he and Lacey stepped up this week. They were supposed to go home. Why can't people let their dreams fade away? Ellen gave him a hug. That's really going to hurt his chances of going home. Every single person that Ellen has ever hugged has eventually gotten what they wanted. Fact!

Andrew Garcia - "Genie in a Bottle" - I liked it but I fear I'm too biased on him. This was an attempt at recapturing the Paula Abdul moment he had in Hollywood Week. Girl song. Acoustic guitar. All of the pieces were there. Unfortunately, Christina Aguilera will never compare to Paula Abdul. Aguilera could never be forever my or anyone else's girl.* His chances of going home are good.

Casey James - "You'll Think of Me" - Yaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnn. I'm going to pull a Simon comment working off the song title - "No, we won't. That was rubbish." Is he ever going to push his voice? He may not get the chance to answer it. This race is heating up!

Aaron Kelly - "I'm Already There" - Finally, someone's making a real push to go home! This is how you have a moment! A terrible terrible moment. Everyone else was playing it safe and may be going home. Aaron came out and swung for the fences on this one. He missed the ball completely and lost control of the bat. The bat flew out of his hands, went into the stands, and killed a person. That person - Top 12 Aaron Kelly. How did this not get the pimp slot?

Todrick Hall - "Somebody To Love" - It was pretty good and may have erased two weeks of hard work to go home. Todrick came out to prove he could sing (mistake) and he did so on a very difficult song (double mistake). Ah, who am I kidding? We have our two losers back-to-back! Later, Todrick!

Big Mike - "This Woman's Work" - I don't get the appeal of him. He's fine. He has confidence. Is he personally threatening everyone in the country with a "Vote or Else" ultimatum? Is it time for Kara to point on a doll and tell the cops where the Big Mike touched her? How did he become the frontrunner?

Going Home: Todrick Hall and Aaron Kelly

Worried For: Andrew Garcia

*Does not apply to her father and husband.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 20 (Girls)

The women brought their A game and won the week from the guys. It was such a beating, they should get rid of 4 guys instead. Well, at least 3. There was one girl that should definitely go.

Crystal Bowersox - "Long As I Can See The Light" - I am glad she's ok to do this. She needs to be here. Kara reverted back to Season 8 Kara by forgetting what song Crystal did last week. It's frustrating when Kara does this because you see such greatness in her as a judge but she fails with consistency. If she ever gets it together, she is going to shine.

Haeley Vaughn - "The Climb" - It's funny that Smiley did Miley. This was soooo Johan Santana - very pitchy. It just wasn't good. Simon gave her his traditional song title turned into an insult and that's not good for anyone.

Lacey Brown - "Kiss Me" - It was pretty good. Definitely better than last week. She should be performing in a lacy robe and furry mules with a pool boy on each arm. If they ever do a flashback episode of "Cougar Town," she can play the older real estate agent in the past.

Lacey in 20 years?

Katie Stevens - "Put Your Records On" - She's an adult contemporary singer as a teenager. It's like an old lady got a second chance at life and came back as a 17 year old. It's only a matter of time before TMZ catches her doing the Lindy Hop, pinching a long cigarette holder between her fingers, fawning over stories of Errol Flynn. She's good. I don't agree with the judges saying she should be singing Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus. She'll find it.

Didi Benami - "Lean On Me" - I liked how she sang this. She suffers from the same thing as Casey James. Their voices shouldn't be fighting over a band. Heavy singing. Bumbling around. A Didi craves not these things. She is a crier and I love how she didn't let a tear tumble down her cheek after all the judges ripped her. Impeccable tear duct control. Well done.

Michelle Delamor - "With Arms Wide Open" - This was one of those risks the judges wanted. It was ok. The chorus was the dull part. Unfortunately, she sang the chorus a lot. She also forgot the rest of her gloves. It had to be distracting to sing with half-cold hands.

Lilly Scott - "A Change Is Gonna Come" - Fantastic. She's like an anime character infused with the spirit of Woodstock (the first one). Everything about her is something I should shallowly hate but together, those parts create beautiful music.

Katelyn Epperly - "The Scientist" - I know it was slow but I was captivated. Maybe it's because I'm not a big Coldplay person so I'm not tied to the original. She's pretty and talented like a unicorn that can juggle. I think she is easily in the Top 10.

Paige Miles - "Walk Away" - She does have a great voice but she is focusing on having fun and not winning the competition. This is a cutthroat business. People can't be enjoying themselves. What are the Idol hopefuls of tomorrow going to think when they see her out there having the time of her life? Because "I want that" is not going to be one of them. I'll bet Haeley's chances of winning on that.

Siobhan Magnus - "Think" - The opening was shaky but that note. That's all anyone is talking about. She hit that note. That note had the power to move her into the Top 5. I also like how Simon doesn't know how to handle her. She seems impervious to his personality attacks. She's Simon's Kryptonite.

Going Home: Haeley Vaughn and Michelle Delamor

American Idol Season 9 - Top 20 (Boys)

Ok, it was rough for all of us last week. Time to hunker down and make the right choices, both in song and comedy. The guys are up first this week because Crystal Bowersox had to go to the hospital. She got violently ill thinking about my suggestion for this week's group sing.

Michael Lynche - "This Is A Man's World" - The judges loved it. I don't really get it. I thought it was too understated. With his muscles, he could lift anything. Maybe next week he should try our spirits.

John Park - "Gravity" - "I'm hungry, is there any food?" was his Korean example? That's how he proves he knows Korean? By saying the phrase you learn after "Where is the bathroom?" He's failing us as a pre-performance video subject. And that's all he's got going for him. Do you think Shania Twain can deal with how wrong she was? Because this guy....wait for it....don't impress-a me much. Thank you! Seriously, it's just a lyric used playfully. It's nothing.

Casey James - "I Don't Wanna Be" - Never had a TV? How is he going to watch back how average he was this week? He should have done this acoustic. I appreciate that he can play electric guitar but his voice doesn't go over it. Just because I can operate a blender like nobody's business doesn't mean I make smoothies while doing stand-up. (Nailed it.)

Alex Lambert - "Everybody Knows" - The last note was rough but holding a guitar was a vast improvement, stage presence-wise. What if he held 2 or 3 guitars? He'd be like Bette Midler out there (if she held 3 guitars and had a mullet). Good job and he got a Simon pep talk that should carry him through.

Todrick Hall - "What's Love Got To Do With It?" - His jacket made him look like a pewter figurine that came alive and sang Tina Turner but he didn't come completely alive so the pewter figurine couldn't keep up with the music. His days are numbered. Plus, Simon called him Tondrick. When are these contestants going to have names he can't mess up? This is why Simon is leaving.

Jermaine Sellers - "What's Going On?" - He uses steam baths to open his voice. They should take it away. That voice needs to be closed permanently. Put an eviction notice on it and then hire a demolition team. He's all presentation and no substance. Also, the presentation is poor and now we lost the account! Damn it, Jermaine! This company's going under!

Andrew Garcia - "You Give Me Something" - He is missing out again. He should have done this song more fun and acoustic. I was worried when there was no guitar in his hands. I knew it. This boy needs to hold a guitar. Did Alex steal it from him? Simon was disappointed again. Andrew will be in his bathtub later crying, scrubbing Simon's disappointment off himself until he bleeds. Chin up, Andrew.

Aaron Kelly - "My Girl" - A country version of a motown song. That was weird. Is he too wholesome? Is that a thing? I'll make it one. I don't like him because he is too wholesome. He's the Anti-Adam Lambert. Skittles should come out of his mouth while he sings and mice should make him dresses.

Tim Urban - "Come On Get Higher" - I wish Andrew Garcia had done this song. Would have been so nice. Still, he did a good job with it but he stayed away from the falsetto notes like they were unwholesome things and he was Aaron Kelly. Is it catching on yet?

Lee Dewyze - "Lips of an Angel" - This was my favorite of the night. He's still not perfect but I love him. He's the frontrunner in my opinion (and Simon's). There's nothing else to say. I hope he can keep pushing himself since none of the other guys are competing.

Going Home: Jermaine Sellers and John Park

American Idol Season 9 - Top 24 (Eliminations)

There's something fun about seeing the first week of group song lip synching. Nobody knows how to do it. Just wonderful. Can't wait for next week's 20 person take on "Tik Tok" with Bowersox starting off, "Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy."

Going Home:

Janell Wheeler - I did not expect her to go home. She was one of the weaker girls on Tuesday but she deserved another shot. She's now going to go the way of what's her name from Season 5 and what's her name from Season 2.

Ashley Rodriguez - She never really got highlighted in the weeding out process and, while that worked for Kris Allen, it didn't work for her. She seemed swell.

Joe Munoz - I got this one right. I will take this paragraph to congratulate myself on a choice well done. I have been watching American Idol for a long time and I have a good grasp on how the public votes. You see, his hairline was converging on his face and America sees that. They don't want someone whose face is blocked by hair. Can't see his mouth, his eyes. Ew.

Tyler Grady - This was surprising. I thought he had the teenage girl vote based on his sexy, ugly confidence but I guess not. He took a shot at the judges for not giving him enough criticism, too. It's always a smart move to go out on bottom.

Final Thought: I got 50 percent on this one. Not bad. It's so random at the beginning. Terrible isn't enough to go home. Much like Private Ryan, it is up to Lacey Brown and Jermaine Sellers to earn this. Unfortunately (especially with Lacey), I don't know if they can. See you next week when the singers, and hopefully this blogger, will be more comfortable and ready to shine.

American Idol - Finale (Part 2)

Well, this is it. The last American Idol blog for 2009. It's been a good run and I can't believe I stayed with it throughout. That last part was more in regards to the whole finale than the season. Even fast forwarding the commercials, it lasted a good six days. I missed four BBQs. It was a great season and a crazy ending. Sometimes life smacks you across the face with a hand made of money. It wakes you up and is upsetting until you realize you get to keep the hand. Move on? Sure.

The Idols - So What? - The white clothes are brutal. They look like they are starring in a Hip Hop video in the Arctic but they sound like Kidz Bop. Can I get this with a happy meal at McDonald's? The following is not from last night's finale:

David Cook - "Permanent" - He's singing a song without actual words. It's just warbling. It's nice.

Lil Rounds & Queen Latifah - "Cue The Rain" - Lil's wig is the best one yet and Queen Latifah forgot the other half of her jacket. The performance is awkward but that's just because the song is awful and they are struggling to remember their choreography. Twirl your finger by your temple when you get to the word "insane!" Both of you! What is this, Amateur Hour???

Anoop Desai, Alexis Grace, & Jason Mraz - "I'm Yours" - Anoop starts it off nice. He can really sing (Thanks, Randy). Too bad the judges wanted nothing to do with him. Alexis, dressed like her favorite pirate lass, should not be paired with this song. Her voice doesn't fit it. Jason Mraz is wonderful, like Kris Allen. Anoop, Alexis, and Jason sound fine together and then...the rest of the gang joins to ruin everything. Nice job, ruiners. 

Kris Allen & Keith Urban - "Kiss A Girl" - It's interesting that Kris gets Keith Urban and one song and Adam gets a giant KISS medley but I'm getting ahead of myself. Kris seems to be having a good time and that's all that matters. Just go out there and have fun. It doesn't matter who wins. Though, at times, it feels like a hockey game where the ice is tilted 75 degrees towards Kris' goal. Kris has to swing with all his little arms have to make it to Adam's goal.

The Girls & Fergie - "Glamorous" & "Big Girls Don't Cry" - I used to like Spiggles, right? Do you think they tell Spiggles not to sing directly into the mic unless it's her solo? Fergie sounds pretty terrible too and I love her. Why are they ruining "Big Girls Don't Cry?" It's my anthem.

Black Eyed Peas - "Boom Boom Boom" -  There are weird faceless zebra people in the background dancing. Their combined movements make you feel like you're in an Escher drawing. I'm bothered so much. I bet Simon's enjoying this. This is his jam. He probably throws in an extra boom when he's "managing" his sexy violin quartet, Escala. Hot violinists: They're real and they're spectacular!

Kara & Bikini Girl - "Vision of Love" - Bikini Girl, in bikini, begins the song with all the passion of Kristin Wiig as the Girl A-Hole (see below). Kara joins her on stage and outsings her easily. Kara has a good voice amongst all the crazy and idiocy. At the end, she throws open her dress to reveal her own bikini. She looked good.

Allison Iraheta & Cindy Lauper - "Time After Time" - Is this fair to Anoop? He sang such a beautiful version of "True Colors." I guess Anoop got all he deserved (2 lines at the beginning of "I'm Yours"). Lauper rocked the slide guitar while sitting like a man. Nice. Why was this song picked for Allison? I bet Michael Slezak is disappointed at EW. It was actually pretty good but I wanted Rocker Allison, not Tender Allison.

Danny Gokey & Lionel Richie - "Hello" & "Just Go" & "All Night Long" - A good pick for Danny with "Hello." Did anyone else notice that he sang the Lionel Richie part on "Just Go" because he was so excited to be up there? It's a nice moment for Danny. Lionel Richie looks great, too. Sometimes older people come on Idol and look terrible (See Disco Week). 

Adam Lambert & KISS - "Beth" & "Get Up Everybody" & "Rock and Roll All Night" - It's very good. This fits him like a glove. Is he going to make an album of Queen, Kiss, and Led Zeppelin-like music? Can he make an album with Jack White? Adam ruled this finale.

Matt Giraud & Carlos Santana - "Black Magic Woman" & "Smooth" - My wife asked me why Matt was wearing a Michael Jackson jacket. Because they didn't want to make him always look like Justin Timberlake. I thought the answer should make as much sense as the jacket. All the singers join in for "Smooth" and...mess everything up. Do you notice a trend? Is this what the Idol tour is like? Oof.

Megan Joy, Michael Sarver, & Steve Martin - "Pretty Flowers" - Let's do this like Simon for old time's sake. Megan won this round by a clear mile. A million percent better. Michael, it was ok, but Megan was better. I think you're in trouble. Sorry.

The Guys - "If You Think I'm Sexy" - Please stop.

Rod Stewart - "Maggie May" - The opposite of what I was saying about Lionel Richie. The older he gets, the more he looks like Hillary Clinton. Almost trumped Lil Rounds and Smokey Robinson for creepiest performance of the season. Almost.

Adam Lambert & Kris Allen & Queen - "We Are The Champions" - Adam sounded great the whole way. Kris sounded good when there was no heavy music behind him. When there was, I think they turned his mic off because I only heard Adam. They were joined by what I was hoping was the cast of Glee but I was wrong. It ended with some nice hugs between the two finalists. 

AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 8 WINNER - Kris Allen

Final Thoughts - I hope Kris gets to make the album he wants. David Cook seemed to so there could be hope. Adam has a ridiculous voice and he'll do fine. I don't know if I'll buy his album but I'll go see him on Broadway. My favorite has won 2 years in a row now. My brain is getting too mainstream. Congratulations to all the Idol contestants (except Jorge). I'm looking forward to albums from Anoop Desai, Allison Iraheta, Matt Giraud, Alexis Grace, and Jesse Langseth. Maybe Ricky Braddy. Farewell to Idol until 2010. Thanks for reading.

American Idol - Finale (Part 1)

Adam versus Kris. This is what we've all been waiting for. To be honest, I don't care who wins because I got to hear Kris sing as much as he possibly could on the show. There is no next week. Wait, what am I going to blog about? Oh no. I'm going to have to come up with original things. I don't have those. Hold on. Deep breath. We can cross that bridge when we come to it. (Stay far away from me, Friday!) Tonight's episode will feature a song they sang during the season (eh), a pick from the creator of the show (only chance at enjoyment), and the Idol song (oof).

Adam Lambert - "Mad World" - There was no way he was doing anything else. Simon gave him a standing ovation when he sang it the first time. Those are as rare as Randy not booing when Ryan introduces Simon. He was dressed like he was going to fight the Agents from The Matrix. I actually waited for Adam to dodge bullets in slow motion but he just sang the song instead. The performance was not as good as the first time he did it but it was still good. Randy loved that he sang something from the season which was good because he was supposed to. Oh, Randy. Simon thought it was overtheatrical. I would agree.

Kris Allen - "Ain't No Sunshine" - Kris' parents are taking over for Anoop's in terms of adorable. He didn't like to sing in front of his parents so they would pay him a quarter to make him sing. One time, he gave his mom coupons that she could redeem for his singing. She called it "the best present ever." Are you swooning? My Kris Krush is getting larger. It was great just like the first time he did it. I actually expected him to do "Heartless" but this one was just as good. He had so many to choose from because he's awesome. Simon honestly didn't think Kris should have been safe last week. Really? Gokey?

Adam Lambert - "A Change Is Gonna Come" - I love this song. The opening line was awesome and then it was dull and then it finished all Lambert-y. The judges loved it. He's just not my style. Still, he'll make a good Idol winner.

Kris Allen - "What's Going On" - It is so good. Is it sad that I see no competition with who is more talented in this finale? He just makes every song something I want to download. It was such a cool version of this song though Simon didn't think it was any different. Gokey would have done it better, I'm sure. 

Adam Lambert - "No Boundaries" - The background singer is ruining this song which is a shame because the song is bad enough to ruin itself. I hate to be a conspiracy theorist but doesn't this song seem like only Adam can sing it? How can Kris sing this song? This is going to be worse than "Renegade." Anyway, Adam did this song as well as it can be done. I hope that's saying much. Adam will and should win it all.

Kris Allen - "No Boundaries" -  I really don't want to hear Kris sing this song. I anticipated disaster and he may have averted it though it's not likely. This is one of those rare times on Idol that you can give a contestant an A for effort. Congratulations on a fantastic season, Kris! Sorry this had to be the last performance.

Winner - Adam Lambert

American Idol - Top 3 (Part 2)

Dear Danny,

To say my feelings for you have changed since I started blogging this season of American Idol would be a nice way of putting it. It's not your fault that the judges were incapable of giving you any negative comments except for the occasional "clumsy" or "too much swagger." You and Adam were their favorite and, conspiracy theories about Simon helping you through so his March prediction on Leno would be correct aside, you used to be my favorite. Therefore, I feel it's only right that I go back in time and ask March Kevin to write the goodbye.

Sincerely,

Current Kevin

~~SCENE~~

Current Kevin gets in a time machine and goes back to March 18. He walks into March Kevin.

March Kevin

What the-

Current Kevin

There's no time for that. I'm you from the future.

March Kevin

I guess not very far in the future.

Current Kevin

I'm from May. I need you to write a letter saying goodbye to Danny Gokey from American Idol for the blog. He got voted off in Top 3 week.

March Kevin

You have a time machine and this is what you use it for. Did something happen to me that resulted in brain damage? I'd like to avoid it.

Current Kevin

Look, can you do it? I wanted Danny to get a nice send-off and I can't do it because I don't like him anymore.

March Kevin

Wow. You did have an accident. How could you not like Danny?

Current Kevin

You'll see. Just write the letter. Do it for Danny.

March Kevin sits down and writes the letter. He hands it to Current Kevin.

Current Kevin

Well, good luck to you.

March Kevin

So how are the Mets doing?

Current Kevin

Ok.

March Kevin

Oliver Perez?

Current Kevin

Just as you feared. Farewell.

Current Kevin gets back in the time machine.

~~END SCENE~~

This is what March Me wrote:

Dear Danny,

I was saddened to hear that you will be voted off American Idol. I have enjoyed the performances of yours that I have seen. I'm guessing it's a travesty that you are not going to make the Finals. Seriously, though, what happened? You were the front runner. I heard Qkcrisseette got in over you. How did that happen? What did you do? Did you stop playing the wife card? I'm just baffled. I just watched you sing "Jesus Take The Wheel" and it was fantastic. You deserve better than third in my book. Well, my March book. You will be missed when the time comes for me to miss you. Make a great album, Gokes.

Sincerely,

March Kevin

Final Thoughts: I forgot that I called him Gokes. Wow, that takes me back. I was as shocked as Kris when they said he was safe. I am so happy. Now, it doesn't matter who wins. I get my money's worth of Kris and we move on. Though, as much as I like Kris, how awful would a Kris/Danny finale have been? Eek. Lowest ratings ever. Danny had a great run and he will sell some records. I see him having an Elliot Yamin-like career even though that doesn't seem to fit him. Then again, it doesn't fit what I saw for Elliot either. See you next week when Adam takes the crown and Kris gets to sing three more songs. Everybody wins!

American Idol - Top 3 (Part 1)

Each contestant got to sing two songs tonight. The first song is a judge's choice and the second song is a personal one. But wait. You say there are four judges and three contestants. How is that going to work? I'm glad you asked. When Kara and Randy are focused and on their game, they combine to equal one mediocre representative of the record industry. Now, do you see how it works out? (Also of note, Kara was not focused and on her game tonight.)

Danny Gokey - "Dance Little Sister" - It was very shouty. It seemed to all be in the upper part of Danny's register or the "Gruff Zone" as I like to call it. I went on YouTube and watched the Terence Trent D'Arby version and this is what it sounds like, gruff and all. So, once again, Danny did a good job of sounding like the original version and no, I will not count the scat with the saxophone thing as original. That's a throw in and we are not searching for the next Scatman John. The judges loved it even though they weren't big on the song choice.

Kris Allen - "Apologize" - When I heard that Kris was singing this, I made the same face he did when he got the text message from Kara and Randy. This was pure sabotage. We all know he's not moving on but to make him sing a song that's out of his range is garbage. I thought he did a good job considering you could tell he wanted nothing to do with the song. When he stayed out of his falsetto in the parts of the song that go falsetto, it sounded really cool. Then, on top of making him sing an awful song (for him), Kara got on his case for doing it too much like the original!?! They only have a couple of days to put it all together especially with going to their hometowns. Where was he going to find the time to learn the song and make it his own? At least Simon was the voice of reason and scolded Kara for complaining. Kara is an evil harpy with a lack of brain cells. Bad combination. This was the equivalent of telling Kris to pull her finger and then complaining that it smells. 

Adam Lambert - "One" - It seemed like a mess once he got passed the opening few lines. I thought it started well and then got weird. Then I wanted it to end, so much so that I yearned to hear the U2 version and I can't stand U2. It doesn't matter though. Adam is in the Finals. He could bomb miserably on the next song and still make it. Apparently, Simon helped Adam arrange the song which I didn't know Simon was capable of. Simon and Kara got in a genuine argument in which Kara did a terrible British accent to mock Simon. I think Kara could have had him if she only finished with "I know you are but what am I?" or "So's your face" but I don't think such advanced forms of rebuttal are in her arsenal.

Danny Gokey - "You Are So Beautiful" - He's trying for tender and sounding like his voice is giving up. He came strong at the end like usual but what about the beginning? Good thing he's preordained in the finals so he could do the song with armpit farts and move on. The judges loved it. (sarcasm from this point on) Really? Crazy. I never would have thought it. Danny is the greatest singer this competition has ever known. His effort alone is enough to advance. I wish he could sing me to sleep at night.

Kris Allen - "Heartless" - That was amazing. Brilliant. I went back and watched it two more times. I want this version on my iPod stat. Two things: 1. I'm aware of the similarities to The Fray's version but, after listening to it, this is different enough and sung much better. 2. I knew Kara was going to substitute praise for scolding. Instead of saying it was great, she took the time to complain that he didn't do this for "Apologize." She's the worst. She needs an entry in Dickipedia. 

Adam Lambert - "Cryin'" - Remember that thing I said about tanking the second song and still getting in the Finals? Well, he set out to prove that theory. Wow, this was a mess. The background singer was ruining it even more than Adam was. I kinda miss his first song now. Truthfully, I know I've been anti-Adam from the beginning but this felt like his worst night. I still think he deserves the Finals based on his overall oeuvre.

Final Thoughts: Adam is safe no matter what. Simon ensured it by urging people to vote for him and not assume he's there. Sometimes I like to asskararandy. (Think about it.) That leaves Danny and Kris. Based on how easily my wife was getting through on Kris' lines, it doesn't look good. I don't understand how Danny could be so immune to criticism all season. It doesn't make sense. Is he a good singer? Yes. Does he make the songs his own? Not really. If this was Season 1, Danny would coast to the Finals but American Idol has evolved into a musical talent and singing competition. You still need to be able to sing but you have to bring more like Kris does. Unfortunately, it looks like Kris is done bringing it. It appears it's already been broughten. Sigh.

Going Home: Kris Allen