American Idol Season 9 - Top 9 (Again - Double Elimination)

We made it through Elvis Week without anyone performing "Jailhouse Rock" or "Love Me Tender." I wish the same could be said about "Viva Las Vegas." That got the Idol lip-sync medley which was the equivalent of stuffing Elvis full of gravy, sticking him on the toilet, and force-feeding him pills. Fortunately for the Idols' prison records, that already happened a long time ago.

Ryan was better behaved tonight. Must have taken a contaminated bottle of 5-Hour Energy yesterday. Brooke White sang Elvis songs with either Miley Cyrus' ex or the guy who betrays the colonial army in every early-America movie. Not sure. And Adam Lambert gave my favorite performance of his on American Idol. He should have done that song last year. It was really good.

Going Home:

Andrew Garcia - To use my own version of a Simonism, he went from hero ("Straight Up") to zero ("Gimme Shelter") to "should we cheer-o?" ("Forever") to "the end is here-o" ("Hound Dog"). It's a shame because I truly feel he has it. He just got swallowed up by the competition. Check out "Straight Up" once more to realize what could have been.

Katie Stevens - I was never a fan of Katie. I didn't like her performances. She always picked these sassy, attitude-needing songs and she's just a sweet girl. If her personality is that of a happy girl, she should embrace that in her song choices. Why does she fight who she is? What does she have against being happy? There are children in Austria who are dying to be happy if their culture would just allow it.

Final Thoughts: I can't wait for Big Mike to sing an inspirational song next week! Since he sings the words of "Teddy Bear" like each one can give a T-cell back to an AIDS patient, I want to know what he would do with "Wind Beneath My Wings." Next week will be a disaster. Even Lee and Crystal can't save us. Best case - Aaron goes home.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 9 (Again)

I knew a night with Adam Lambert would be crazy but it had nothing to do with him. He gave great advice and led us to the best Idol night so far. Sorry Usher. It was Elvis week and the judges didn't care much about making things current. Everything sounded old and that's fine if the judges don't care. Ryan took a dig at Brian Dunkleman 9 years later. I hope it didn't take him that long to come up with it. My favorite part was how Ryan's mom didn't disagree with Ryan when he said she was probably disappointed to have him as her son. Well played, Mrs. Seacrest. Oh yeah and Ellen liked everything. She didn't dislike one single performance. That's old-school Paula judging right there.

Crystal Bowersox - "Saved" - I didn't know the song and that was probably fine. Crystal does well each week but I'd like to see her do a slow song and belt it out next week. Simon loved it, of course. Simon is like a helicopter parent for Crystal. It's ok to point out mistakes. Crystal will love you more for it.

Andrew Garcia - "Hound Dog" - This was the kind of singing that makes him go home. He's not a big voice singer and that arrangement needs a bigger voice. Andrew needs to take every song he wants to sing, treat it like it's going to have a physical at the doctor, and strip it down.

Tim Urban - "Can't Help Falling in Love" - This performance felt like it should have been in one of the Shrek movies. Tim could provide the voice for an ostrich (fits the look on his face) that used to be a prince and needs Fiona to kiss him. He grew out his nails like an 80s secretary to do some pick work. It was very good.

"That ogre takes you for granted. I run 30 mph."

Lee DeWyze - "A Little Less Conversation" - I feel the need to be more critical of Lee because he's my favorite and I never say anything bad about him. I liked it, sure, but I'd like him to shout less. It's better when he goes from regular rasp to big rasp. That's what works for Harvey Fierstein.

Aaron Kelly - "Blue Suede Shoes" - What's Japanese for "Empty Orchestra?" The song isn't believable coming out of him. I don't think there's a single human being that Aaron would be able to keep off his blue suede shoes - fat guy moving in slow motion, toddler with no arms, paraplegic in front of a gust of wind. It didn't work.

Siobhan Magnus - "Suspicious Minds" - Her hair looks like her version of the hair bike helmet from Flight of the Conchords. She sings like she's asking people if she has food in her teeth. It was better than she's been. I won't say she's back in the competition but she was worth watching which is important.

Just needs the Siobhan streak on the side.

Big Mike - "In the Ghetto" - It was very good. I reluctantly will give it to him. He occupied his arms and legs. Always key. It got a little dreary by the end so, thankfully, I don't have to overpraise it. Man, it sucks. It's like giving props to Dick Cheney...for singing well. I'm glad he didn't do "Love Me Tender." That would have been a cheesefest worthy of Wisconsin.

Katie Stevens - "Baby, What Do You Want Me To Do?" - She has to learn that attitude is not just sliding your head from side to side. I counted 65 head to the lefts and 64 head to the rights. That's good pseudo-attitude balance. I don't know what she has to do to make me like her. Going home might be a good start.

Casey James - "Lawdy, Miss Clawdy" - No one has ever gotten a good set of remarks from the judges from that performing position. Kris Allen's worst week was right there with "All She Wants To Do Is Dance." This was one of those Casey middle-of-the-road ones. It was fine but there was nothing spectacular. He had momentum like the bus in Speed heading towards the gap in the bridge only he stopped pushing the gas pedal and he didn't make it across.

Bottom Three: I went crazy with my guesses last week and only got one right (Aaron Kelly). That one is going to stay right here with his terrible performance this week. I believe Andrew Garcia will join him. I want the last spot to go to Big Mike but he'll be safe this week. Damn it. That leaves Katie Stevens or Casey James but I'll stick with Katie.

Going Home: Aaron Kelly and Andrew Garcia

American Idol Season 9 - Top 9 (Eliminations)

I went into last night thinking that this was the week for shakeups on Idol. Time for a shocker. That's why I went with Siobhan in the Bottom 3. However, Big Mike was my alternate choice for Siobhan's spot. I took a crazy shot for the Bottom 3 and got it fairly wrong. But not as wrong as Rihanna who was a train wreck. Is she actually singing? I don't mean lip-synching. I mean is she singing as opposed to pushing sound out of her throat like a goose? Are those notes? The jury is out.

Bottom 3:

Aaron Kelly - It's nice to see him here. Just because you are on TV and not ugly doesn't make you are heartthrob. This was the only one I got right and I predict he will be back here after another subpar Rascal Flatts-esque version of a dull ballad next week. Can't wait!

Andrew Garcia - He had a better run avoiding the Bottom 3 than he should have. They should put a training collar on him and every time he attempts to sing a song without an acoustic guitar or with an added band, ZAAPPP! Simple. This show is so produced, they can't make this happen?

Big Mike - This was a shocker. Was I rooting for it? Of course I was. His "singing for his life" moment was so over the top. All of the uber-dramatic gestures he didn't get to use last week were added to this week's resulting in what could only come out of a steroid-ridden soap opera star at karaoke. This performance made him go from too confident to too cocky. After the song was over, he pounded his chest like he was about to swing through the trees with Simon as his Jane or attack a ram near a cliff on a special episode on Animal Planet. He is off-putting and I expect America to vote him off again next week telling the judges, "No, no, we meant to vote that way."

Final Thought: The Judges' Save was used way too early this season. What do we do if Crystal gets voted off in the next 5 weeks?What was with the judges hugging each other after they chose to save Big Mike? "We did it guys! We saved the guy who gave the 'Suck it' gesture to America after he learned the results!" (I saw the forearm cross, Big Mike.) The Save should be used on someone who they believe can win American Idol. Big Mike will not. Next week's mentor is Adam Lambert. I can't wait for him to work with Siobhan. I expect the rehearsal room to explode from too much artistry.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 9

It was Lennon/McCartney week and the magic word of the night was "blossom." It's like the contestants were little girls and it was time for them to become women. There was no guest mentor this week but the night was good again. Casey James might have won the night?!?! There were a couple of bad ones but overall, it was an enjoyable night. Contestants grew boobs is what I'm saying.

Aaron Kelly - "The Long and Winding Road" - Oooo another ballad. I don't know if this was as boring as he's been in the past. That's something he's going to have to work on in the coming weeks. Getting back to that pinnacle of boredom that he reached weeks ago with that other forgettable ballad. Gonna be hard.

Katie Stevens - "Let It Be" - They did a whole intro package pointing out how fun the other contestants think she is so I don't understand why she picks songs like this. It was pretty but I thought it was still dreary. If she is so fun, why does she sing like the equivalent of a bottle of Ambien?

Andrew Garcia - "Can't Buy Me Love" - Brian Setzer would have loved this if he were still alive. He is? I'm surprised he let Andrew borrow the Stray Cats then. It just wasn't Andrew. The band overpowered him. Andrew needs to keep it simple like last week with just an acoustic.

Big Mike - "Eleanor Rigby" - David Cook killed this song two seasons ago. It was a poor version of David Cook's take on it and the judges refused to acknowledge that. When it started, I thought he was going to R&B it up and that might have worked. Simon thought it was too Broadway and Randy defended it by saying it could have been on Glee. Who would Big Mike play on Glee? The truant officer from Hell?

Crystal Bowersox - "Come Together" - That may have been the best version done on Idol (over Kris Allen and Carly Smithson). My favorite part was when she sneezed after the song ended. She sang that whole song holding in a sneeze. She's fantastic. Enough said.

Tim Urban - "All My Lovin'" - It's the Across the Universe version. It was smart of Tim to sing a song that the judges can't get mad at him for smiling through. He might actually be safe. Randy, the only one to not like it, said he had to judge Tim in his own category against other Tim Urban performances. This is funny because I judge Randy's judging against previous Randy judging. Boo Randy! Boo!

Casey James - "Jealous Guy" - He dressed in his Bee Gees best. It shouldn't be about his guitar playing. I feel like the camerawork focuses on his guitar prowess over his singing ability. That's unfortunate because tonight he sang really really well. Casey finally stepped it up.

Siobhan Magnus - "Across The Universe" - She sang this like she was in a movie and she was too nervous to sing in front of people. Then she opened up a little at the end so the people in her class could go "WOW, that girl could sing!" Well, Siobhan, if you want fame, fame costs and tonight is where you start paying...with sweat. Oh, it's not a movie? Then it was dull.

Lee DeWyze - "Hey Jude" - Sure the bagpiper was weird but I'm drinking the Kool Aid. He had fun and he let go this week. He even joked around in his post-interview. I think he needed a night of being playful to finally break the nerves. I'm expecting amazing next week.

Bottom Three: I'm not buying that Katie is staying out of the Bottom Three. I also think it is time for Aaron Kelly to go there. Finally, in a surprise, I'd like to say Siobhan Magnus is getting a scare. Those are my three. Tim should be here but he's good looking and got a good set of remarks from the judges. That will be enough to keep him out.

Going Home: Katie Stevens

American Idol - Top 9 (Part 2)

Top Downloads week was a disaster (minus Kris and Danny) so I'm going to work quickly and put it behind us. We need as much time as possible to recuperate before next week. I want start by saying that David Cook and Lady GaGa made the night. David Cook is still awesome even if I'm not so sure about his new album. And Lady GaGa rocked Poker Face. I know I'm apparently anti-Lady GaGa (I'm not) but her piano and violin opening to Poker Face was incredible. Once she got into the regular version, it was ok but that opening...Wow! Anyway, onto the results:

BOTTOM THREE:

Allison Iraheta - This is not good. If you make it into the Bottom Three once, it could be an accident but if it happens twice, it means America is not digging you for realsies. I don't get it. She's one of the four best singers in the competition no matter how you rank them. Even if the judges use the save on her in the next two weeks, what stops her from going home the following week? She's in trouble.

Anoop Desai - Uptempo song = Bottom Three. Slow ballad = Safe. It really comes down to whether Anoop wants to have fun or stay in the competition. I don't think Anoop can win so I hope he has fun next week and enjoys touring. Top 8 is nothing to be ashamed of. I'm kinda down on Anoop for back-talking to Kara. It was pointless and made him look like a bully. Kara has four phrases ("package artist," "not the right song," "I have words," " i.e. Everyone wants to get it on with you") and you don't debate someone like that. It's like telling off a duck.

Megan Joy - It was time and she knew it. She put on a brave face because she achieved what she wanted, she didn't want to get ripped to shreds anymore, and she needed to be back with her son. I also liked that the judges didn't even care about the Judges' Save and told her to enjoy the moment. Spiggles will be missed but she was a cool, uninhibited, klutzy, hot girl.

Final Thought: This was my worst week of predicting the Bottom Three thus far (1 out of 3). Unfortunately, unless the judges really praise Allison next week, it looks like she'll be back. I think it's time for Anoop or Scott to go next but we'll see. Lil should be in more trouble than she is but she can thank Ryan for playing the adorable-kids-hugging-the-judges card.

American Idol - Top 9 (Part 1)

This week's American Idol had 2 great performances and then a whole lot of disappointment. It was Top Downloads Week and that meant that if a song has ever been downloaded, they could sing it tonight. Just looking at my downloads, I was looking forward to some kickin' tunes. Oh well, looks like Idol was not sexy enough for Right Said Fred tonight and it will be just another day without Jon Secada. I'm on today. You are in for a treat, readers.

Anoop Desai - "Caught Up" - It was weird. He slowed it down so much. Urshur would not be happy with this. Plus he had that chain that I'm thinking was holding his left arm on. Again, weird. Anoop should be fine.

Megan Joy - "Turn Your Light Down Low" - That was awful. Spiggles needs to go. It sounded like she was trying to do Charles Nelson Reilly. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I've already listened to the Lauryn Hill version six times this morning to try to get rid of it. Not working.

Danny Gokey - "What Hurts The Most" - Danny Gokey's grandfather died since the last show. It is both fortunate (haters are tired of his grieving) and unfortunate (the guy can't grieve) that it did not come up. Anyway, it was really good. I'm glad he did this because he's had a couple of rough weeks. This was one of those two great ones I talked about earlier.

Allison Iraheta - "Don't Speak" - I like her but I didn't love it. Still she's better than most. The judges were really focused on her clothes. I guess they didn't love it either but want her to stay in the competition so they picked on the outfit. Allison should stop listening to the stylist. Doesn't she remember how awful they made Carly Smithson look last year? Also of note: Paula called her guitar an axe. That sounded about as natural as a bear and a hamster getting it on. Don't be cool, Paula.

Scott MacIntyre - "Just The Way You Are" - Oh man, does he try to out-boring himself each week? "This week, I'm going to drone a single low note and next week, I'll sit in the middle of the stage with my back to the audience for three minutes doing nothing." Son of a... The judges thought it was his best performance so he's safe. Grrrreeeeeaaaaat.

Matt Giraud - "You Found Me" - This might be the newest song ever done on Idol. At the start of it, it seemed like we were headed back to Coldplay territory but he got it back. The judges did not like it and thought it sounded too much like The Fray. He may have taken a step back this week after some great weeks. At least, he can curl up with his giant face mole for comfort.

Lil Rounds - "I Surrender" - Celine Dion? Really? Why Lil? Moving her way through Destiny's Child looks, this week she had a Kelly Rowland thing going on. Well, Kelly Rowland if she was going to the prom. It started off a little crummy but then she belted notes and it was good. She should be fine but, like Simon said, she seems to be fading in terms of confidence and just flailing on the stage. (Not physically flailing like she's miming falling off a building but metaphorically flailing.)

Adam Lambert - "Play That Funky Music" - This is asking for trouble. I am not going to like this. It's the worst. The judges loved it. I don't get him. Does anyone else notice that he screams and looks ridiculous? It's all an act. A terrible, rapist-looking act. He makes me uncomfortable.

Kris Allen - "Ain't No Sunshine" - Brilliant. That was so good, I am going to spell his name right from now on. He's earned that. He's my new favorite. Hands down. Is it too early to Kris-en him the champion? (Oh God, that was so well done. I told you I was on.)

Bottom Three: I think Megan, Matt, and Lil are in the bottom three. I want Scott in there but I think he's going to get a huge boost from the judges' comments. Lil will be ruined mentally if she is in the bottom three but I have a bad feeling that's where we're headed. Matt was not great this week so I don't see how he avoids last week's fate. And Megan was downright terrible.

Going Home: Megan Joy