American Idol Season 9 - Top 16 (Eliminations)

Well, that was something. I went 1 for 4 on my picks this week and I'm glad I got them wrong. I would never want to be associated with guessing last night's debacle of eliminations correctly. What is wrong with America?

Going Home:

Katelyn Epperly - I was worried about her. She picked one of the least enjoyable songs out of a list of every song ever created. I guess that was enough to condemn her to a four-person montage goodbye package. If anything, Katelyn deserved her own goodbye package. This was a big mistake by America. She was talented and pretty. Isn't that what this competition usually dreams of?

Todrick Hall - He never really shined. The Queen song was not enough to save him. Of all the people going home this week, he deserved it the most and not just because I picked him. Of consolation, I'm sure Fantasia will allow him to dance behind her again. Maybe not.

Alex Lambert - Mullets can do anyone in but I don't think that's what happened. If his performance this week was another step in the right direction, he would have been safe. A rugged, manly song of heartache does not fit his innocence. America doesn't like people who don't feel connected with their instrument. Kara's been right all along.

Lilly Scott - This was also ridiculous. Two of the Top 3 girls don't make the Top 12? She was right to be outraged. It couldn't have been the white hair. People love white hair more than mullets. Look at the major online push to get Betty White on SNL. This was a matter of her sound appealing to too small an audience. Talent doesn't always matter and it's a shame.

Going Forward: This was a bad week for Season 9. All four of these ousted performers had the chance to be great and America settled for good enough with Katie, Tim, Lacey, Paige, and Aaron. I anticipate they will be going home first. These four were intriguing. You don't know what they were going to do and that's good television. Todrick could have done a country version of Lady Gaga or a jazzy Kings of Leon and you wouldn't have blinked. Katelyn could have done a slow version of "Old Man River." We just don't know. And we never will.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 16 (Boys)

While the girls are trying to win the competition and are fighting to stay, the guys are doing everything they can to go home. Well, there's only 2 seats left on the bus to Idol obscurity. Who's fighting to get to the front of the ticket line?

Lee DeWyze - "Fireflies" - I'm not a fan of this song. I agree that he made it better but it was probably his weakest of the 3 live weeks (Sequel to 2 Live Crew?). When you want to go home, it's best to save your worst for last. Lee is in it to lose it!

Alex Lambert - "Trouble" - His voice isn't gritty enough for this song. This is like Justin Bieber trying to sing the blues. I think this is a major step backwards in the progress he was making. Good strategy, Lambert!

Tim Urban - "Hallelujah" - It's not right that he and Lacey stepped up this week. They were supposed to go home. Why can't people let their dreams fade away? Ellen gave him a hug. That's really going to hurt his chances of going home. Every single person that Ellen has ever hugged has eventually gotten what they wanted. Fact!

Andrew Garcia - "Genie in a Bottle" - I liked it but I fear I'm too biased on him. This was an attempt at recapturing the Paula Abdul moment he had in Hollywood Week. Girl song. Acoustic guitar. All of the pieces were there. Unfortunately, Christina Aguilera will never compare to Paula Abdul. Aguilera could never be forever my or anyone else's girl.* His chances of going home are good.

Casey James - "You'll Think of Me" - Yaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnn. I'm going to pull a Simon comment working off the song title - "No, we won't. That was rubbish." Is he ever going to push his voice? He may not get the chance to answer it. This race is heating up!

Aaron Kelly - "I'm Already There" - Finally, someone's making a real push to go home! This is how you have a moment! A terrible terrible moment. Everyone else was playing it safe and may be going home. Aaron came out and swung for the fences on this one. He missed the ball completely and lost control of the bat. The bat flew out of his hands, went into the stands, and killed a person. That person - Top 12 Aaron Kelly. How did this not get the pimp slot?

Todrick Hall - "Somebody To Love" - It was pretty good and may have erased two weeks of hard work to go home. Todrick came out to prove he could sing (mistake) and he did so on a very difficult song (double mistake). Ah, who am I kidding? We have our two losers back-to-back! Later, Todrick!

Big Mike - "This Woman's Work" - I don't get the appeal of him. He's fine. He has confidence. Is he personally threatening everyone in the country with a "Vote or Else" ultimatum? Is it time for Kara to point on a doll and tell the cops where the Big Mike touched her? How did he become the frontrunner?

Going Home: Todrick Hall and Aaron Kelly

Worried For: Andrew Garcia

*Does not apply to her father and husband.

American Idol Season 9 - Top 20 (Boys)

Ok, it was rough for all of us last week. Time to hunker down and make the right choices, both in song and comedy. The guys are up first this week because Crystal Bowersox had to go to the hospital. She got violently ill thinking about my suggestion for this week's group sing.

Michael Lynche - "This Is A Man's World" - The judges loved it. I don't really get it. I thought it was too understated. With his muscles, he could lift anything. Maybe next week he should try our spirits.

John Park - "Gravity" - "I'm hungry, is there any food?" was his Korean example? That's how he proves he knows Korean? By saying the phrase you learn after "Where is the bathroom?" He's failing us as a pre-performance video subject. And that's all he's got going for him. Do you think Shania Twain can deal with how wrong she was? Because this guy....wait for it....don't impress-a me much. Thank you! Seriously, it's just a lyric used playfully. It's nothing.

Casey James - "I Don't Wanna Be" - Never had a TV? How is he going to watch back how average he was this week? He should have done this acoustic. I appreciate that he can play electric guitar but his voice doesn't go over it. Just because I can operate a blender like nobody's business doesn't mean I make smoothies while doing stand-up. (Nailed it.)

Alex Lambert - "Everybody Knows" - The last note was rough but holding a guitar was a vast improvement, stage presence-wise. What if he held 2 or 3 guitars? He'd be like Bette Midler out there (if she held 3 guitars and had a mullet). Good job and he got a Simon pep talk that should carry him through.

Todrick Hall - "What's Love Got To Do With It?" - His jacket made him look like a pewter figurine that came alive and sang Tina Turner but he didn't come completely alive so the pewter figurine couldn't keep up with the music. His days are numbered. Plus, Simon called him Tondrick. When are these contestants going to have names he can't mess up? This is why Simon is leaving.

Jermaine Sellers - "What's Going On?" - He uses steam baths to open his voice. They should take it away. That voice needs to be closed permanently. Put an eviction notice on it and then hire a demolition team. He's all presentation and no substance. Also, the presentation is poor and now we lost the account! Damn it, Jermaine! This company's going under!

Andrew Garcia - "You Give Me Something" - He is missing out again. He should have done this song more fun and acoustic. I was worried when there was no guitar in his hands. I knew it. This boy needs to hold a guitar. Did Alex steal it from him? Simon was disappointed again. Andrew will be in his bathtub later crying, scrubbing Simon's disappointment off himself until he bleeds. Chin up, Andrew.

Aaron Kelly - "My Girl" - A country version of a motown song. That was weird. Is he too wholesome? Is that a thing? I'll make it one. I don't like him because he is too wholesome. He's the Anti-Adam Lambert. Skittles should come out of his mouth while he sings and mice should make him dresses.

Tim Urban - "Come On Get Higher" - I wish Andrew Garcia had done this song. Would have been so nice. Still, he did a good job with it but he stayed away from the falsetto notes like they were unwholesome things and he was Aaron Kelly. Is it catching on yet?

Lee Dewyze - "Lips of an Angel" - This was my favorite of the night. He's still not perfect but I love him. He's the frontrunner in my opinion (and Simon's). There's nothing else to say. I hope he can keep pushing himself since none of the other guys are competing.

Going Home: Jermaine Sellers and John Park

American Idol Season 9 - Top 24 (Boys)

It's the boys' turn and Simon's wearing a nice button-down shirt. Unbuttoned to his crotch, but nice.

Todrick Hall - "Since You've Been Gone" - He seems to have the same problem that I had with Adam Lambert. He comes off fake. I like that he made the song different. It didn't sound very good but I think he can fake being good long enough to make it further. Proof that I'm on the right track? From Adam Lambert's Twitter - "Toddricks def gonna surprise us!! Mad talent!! Def the full package." Nailed it!

Aaron Kelly - "Here Comes Goodbye" - He doesn't have any confidence but he's 16. Confidence will come as he realizes a million girls - just like the ones who ignored him completely up to this point at his school - will want to marry him. He seems like a nice boy. He'd do the honorable thing. Safe.

Jermaine Sellers - "Get Here" - He sang like someone who can't sing at the beginning, very quiet. And then he hit the big notes which were also sung like someone who can't sing. If he has one thing going for him, he makes facial expressions like a good singer. Probably not enough.

Tim Urban - "Apologize" - When Kris Allen did this song last year, I was hoping he would skip the falsettos and do "Too Late" part in his regular awesome voice. He didn't and it was probably one of the weaker performances for Kris last year. Tim made Kris' version seem like one of the greatest moments in Idol history. He could be in trouble.

Joe Munoz - "You and I Both" - Goes with the stool and the stand up on the chorus template. That's classic Idol. The problem with the performance is Jason Mraz is so good that it paled. Joe might be talented but it didn't show this week. Also, my wife says he is ugly and has rapist eyes. So there's that.

Tyler Grady - "American Woman" - Why is he so likable? It was shouty and weird but I still want him on the show. The judges' consensus is that his 70s style and mannerisms have to go. I'm thinking lots of tin foil and robot moves. Take it 40 years in the other direction, Tyler. So likable.

Lee Dewyze - "Chasing Cars" - I liked this one and so did Simon. We might have been the only two. The guy is good. Up to this point in the night, he was the best one. I like how he pushed this song from the slow-paced original. If he was more in tune, I would want to own it. I maintain that's a complement.

John Park - "God Bless The Child" - Oof. I liked him after his audition. His Shania Twain package was great, too. Reminiscent of the fun Anoop Desai brought. However, he failed to bring the Anoop fun to the song. This was dull. I know the song is personal but what made him think this was the right choice for America's first impression? I would have rather he came out and blasted an air horn for 90 seconds instead.

Michael Lynche - "This Love" - Maybe it's because he had a baby girl and I see him as dad competition but I think he's pretty terrible. Big Mike sounded like a cruise ship. I'm aware that I didn't put "singer" on the end of that. He sounds like a cruise ship - gurgle-y, watered-down, the occasional toot. He'll be fine because he's happy and people like happy.

Alex Lambert - "Wonderful World" - I was wondering how he was going to make it without his unnecessary ukulele from Hollywood Week but it seems his awkward powers lie in his mullet. He actually has a good voice and if he stops clutching the microphone like it's an unpinned grenade, he can do well.

Casey James - "Heaven" - They spent way too much time on Kara's "crush" on him. I like that he chose this song amongst all the nonsense. If you embrace Idol's nonsense, you can do better than if you try to transcend it. The singing was ok. He never pushed his voice so it stayed in one place. Still, I'll take this over most of tonight's guys.

Andrew Garcia - "Sugar, We're Going Down" - He is so smooth. I liked this version. People are probably going to tire of his "Take a song that's upbeat and make it acoustic and nice" approach but I want it. I want it so bad. I don't know if he has the ability to do anything else but, frankly, I don't care. He's my favorite. Though, Danny Gokey was my favorite this time last year. Hmmm.

Bottom Three: Jermaine Sellers was the worst of the night. I will also go with John Park who should be fine and hopefully scared into stepping up next week. The last spot will be Joe Munoz, more as a guess of America's style than a deserved placement.

Going Home: Jermaine Sellers and Joe Munoz