Monday, May 3, 2010

Tor Baby Countdown: 29 Days

Oh man, that's less than a month.

Let's get to it. You're wondering how the hospital bag is. You're wondering if it's in the car already. You're wondering about all of the fun my wife and I had packing it. You're wondering whether we packed jammies or a nightie. You're wondering if we packed an extra night's worth of stuff thus guaranteeing a c-section. You're wondering if I'm typing all of this to avoid telling you we didn't pack a bag. Well, you know what I'm wondering? Why do you care if we brought jammies or a nightie? Pervert!

It's the maternity ward not a getaway in the Poconos.

Fine, we didn't pack the hospital bag. We have a pile of things that can go in a bag, though. There's some new toothbrushes, lip balm, hair ties, and a dress. That's enough, right? That's all we need. What's wrong with us? Why aren't we packing this bag?

Google says this is the "bag from hell"

Don't get me wrong. The bag is very practical. I know this. When my wife goes into labor, it will be very hard to scoop all of the stuff in my arms and guide her down the stairs to the car. I've been carrying Boy Jerkface for a couple of weeks but he's just one thing. A bag would be so helpful. Why do I hate bags?

Maybe I can tie a knot in the bottom of my wife's dress and use it as a bag. It could hold a lot of stuff. With the pregnancy, my wife's dresses are currently the equivalent of a 30-gallon trash bag. That's not a shot on her size. She's pregnant. The dresses are bigger. Relax.

They Fall line at Mimi Maternity stores.

Ok, this weekend. I promise.


The Katzbox said...

I could get semi-professional and ask you to question your subconscious motivations in NOT packing your bag, but those are seldom humorous. I would guess that if you imagined that you were packing for a romantic getaway to the Poconos (really? The Poconos? Is Shecky still there? Cause nothing's more romantic than Shecky Greene and candle light)-anyway, if you imagined you were packing for a sexy weekend, that bag would have been packed weeks in advance...

But this post was great. Loved loved loved the pics and the captions. And thanks for the pervert remark. I'll just go over here and repent....

Ferdinand said...

It cannot have effect in actual fact, that is exactly what I think.
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