Tor Baby Countdown: 20 Days

So we went to the baby doctor today and had our first internal exam. This is where the doctor treats your wife like a malfunctioning vending machine. The doctor put in his money for your baby and the baby fell but didn't come out so he needs to reach up in there to try to grab it. That's as pleasantly and accurately as it can be put.

Crazy coincidence - That's our doctor!

The baby's head is in the right place. That's one thing we learned. All of her bags are packed. She's done all she wants to do inside the womb and she's ready to move on. She's heading towards the light and this is one of the few times that's ok. Another time would be when we are separated and trapped in a toy store late at night, the store has shut off all of the power, and I am flashing my keychain lamp.

Dramatization where toddler plays my baby and a carpet plays my wife's body.

The doctor also checks for dilation and effacement. Dilation is the process in which the cervix opens up. Effacement is the process in which the cervix shrinks in length. Let's think about this in terms of a leg on a pair of jeans. The leg is the cervix and the leg hole is the opening of the cervix. Pre-labor, the jeans are down to your ankle and tight-rolled like it's the 80s. As labor happens, the cuff becomes looser and the pant leg moves up as if there was a flood. Get it?

These jeans have obviously gone into labor.

When a woman reaches 100% effaced and 10 cm dilated, the baby will come out. My wife was measured at 2 cm dilated and 60-70% effaced. Does that mean this blog won't reach zero or even negative days? I don't know but I'm putting the hospital stuff in an actual bag as I one-hand type this.