Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Tor's News Nuggets: 10/14/09

More unused jokes from the iLarious. Some of them are justified in not being used.

Somali pirates attacked what they believed to be a cargo ship but realized too late that it was a French Naval vessel. In all fairness, only the people on the French ship knew there was even such a thing as a "French Naval vessel."

A recent poll by Marist University has named "whatever" the most annoying word used in conversation. The worst offenders of the conversational gaffe are treating the poll with indifference.

NASA is planning to crash two rockets into the moon to try to find water. If this doesn't work, NASA will go with their Plan B: a 6 billion dollar y-shaped stick.

Christie Brinkley and ex-husband Peter Cook are going through a tough divorce. The problem is that Cook wants to take away what matters most to Brinkley, the Uptown.

A professional racetrack in Australia is limiting fans to 24 cans of beer each to cut down on crime. Don't worry. They're also limiting the amount of distance fans can drive home.

Due to the economy, Harvard professors will no longer get free cookies during faculty meetings. No word on the status of recess or nap time yet.

Daily Beast named Raleigh-Durham the smartest metropolitan area with Fresno coming in last. When reached by phone, the mayor of Fresno screamed, "WHERE THE HELL IS THAT VOICE COMING FROM??!?!" before running into the wall and knocking herself out.

Andrew Lloyd Webber announced that he is working on a sequel to "Phantom of the Opera" that will take place in Coney Island. In the new work, the female lead will be a fry girl that wants to one day work the register at Nathan's, the phantom will be hard to pick out among all of the disfigured ride operators, and the climactic scene will involve the Cyclone crashing down.

Kate Gosselin baked a special cake for her twins' birthday but Jon tried to foil the plans by picking up a cake from a bakery. When these kinds of public divorces happen, we tend to not realize what's most important - these kids got TWO birthday cakes!

Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize for essentially trying really hard to achieve global peace. In other news, Nicolas Cage is named Actor of the Decade.

According to CNN Money, a system engineer has the best job in America. Worst job in America - South Carolina governor

According to CNN Money, a system engineer has the best job in America. Worst job in America - TV father of 8

According to CNN Money, a system engineer has the best job in America. Worst job in America - Rim

Paris Hilton, playing "Paris Hilton possessed by a demon," was beheaded on last night's "Supernatural" because a demon can't function in a body without a brain. Viewers were upset because the writer's failed to explain how the demon functioned before the beheading.

4 comments:

jim said...

Great stuu Kevin except me thinks the South Carolina Governor's job can't be considered the worst.

jim said...

Stuff !! My fingers just woke up !! sorry !!

Franke said...

"WHERE THE HELL IS THAT VOICE COMING FROM??!?!" before running into the wall and knocking herself out.

made me pee.

VillageTalent Network said...

i really like this News, looks great

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