Going To The Movies: Chuck Bass

I went to see a private screening for the second time in a row. I guess there’s something to going to the movies with Manhattan’s elite. I was shocked when Chuck Bass accepted my invitation and jumped at the opportunity to shoot the movie poop with a socially superior teenager. We went to see Twilight, the sure-to-be hit based on the massively successful novels.

Kevin

Thanks for being on the show.

Chuck Bass

(inaudible muttering)

Kevin

What?

Chuck Bass

(inaudible muttering)

Kevin

Do you really talk that low? Hold on.

Kevin gets up and grabs a megaphone. He comes back and places it in front of Chuck. Kevin presses "ON."

Kevin

Talk.

Chuck Bass

(through megaphone)

This is ridiculous.

Kevin

Perfect. How did you like the movie?

Chuck Bass

I didn't. I thought it was a huge waste of time.

Kevin

Really? I thought it would be right up your alley. You dress like a vampire.

Chuck Bass

My scarf costs more than your life.

Kevin

And it looks adorable on you.

Chuck Bass

I'm going to leave. If you'll excuse me.

Chuck Bass stands.

Kevin

Chuck, wait. I'm sorry. I guess I just get so jealous of the lush life you lead at such a young age. Smack talking is just a defense mechanism for me. I apologize.

Chuck Bass

(inaudible muttering)

Kevin

Into the megaphone.

Chuck Bass sits, rolls his eyes, and leans into the megaphone.

Chuck Bass

Apology accepted. Let's get on with this. I have an appointment with my financial advisor at 4:30.

Kevin

What didn't you like about Twilight?

Chuck Bass

The idea that a vampire, or any man for that matter, would risk his life in the name of love is absurd.

Kevin

How can you be so jaded at such a young age?

Chuck Bass

I'm merely a realist. The only person who truly matters in your life is yourself. Anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves.

Kevin

Well, I think it was believable.

Chuck Bass

That's because people like you need to have Hollywood-manufactured hope to escape their mundane, little lives.

Kevin

Ok, I'm insulted. We're good here. This show's supposed to be fun.

(mocking Gossip Girl)

Spotted: Chuck Bass being a wet blanket on comic's movie show. Looks like this comic's relief will come when Chuck walks off the set. XOXO.

(normal to camera)

I'd like to thank Chuck Bass for coming by. He hated the movie like he hates everything else. Hopefully, his dad will give him a hug one of these days and he'll come out of that hug seeing the world in brilliant Panasonic color. I found the movie to be worth the hype. Tune in next time when I go to the movies with Charlie from "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia."