Friday, February 27, 2009

Top Comedy Twitter-ers

Comedy Central Insiders just released its top 100 Twitter accounts for funny times. Was I on the list? No. Did I want to be on the list? Of course. Should I have been? Not even a little. Still, there were some glaring omissions and some horrible inclusions. (I won't get into it but some people haven't updated Twitter since they signed up for the account and got on because they are funny in real life.) 

I feel that Twitter is a great place to write some funny short thoughts and the following people take it beyond just a what-they're-doing-right-now tweet and should be recognized. If you don't follow these people, you should.
If you think, well these are just your friends, of course you put them up, you should know that I don't really know most of them. Some I've never even met. If you know of anyone else that I should be following, leave a comment.

Funny Stuff That Ain't Mine: Preggo Shuffle

Someone posted this recently on Facebook and it's mesmerizing. I felt the need to share it. This almost makes me want to have a pregnant wife just so I can see her in a leotard. I didn't know they made maternity leotards. I would have had that up there pretty high on the impractically retarded pregnancy list next to maternity corset and maternity suit of armor. Still, I'm getting one for the mother of my children.



My favorite parts are the solo rap, rhyming bagel and kegel, and the awkward hug. I also want to point out that the instructions at the end are not only appropriate for pregnant women but for all people. Be sure you can carry on a normal conversation before continuing. If you cannot, you may have had a stroke. Can you smell cheese? Can you not carry on a normal conversation AND you smell cheese? Get to a doctor! GO!

American Idol - Top 36 (Week 2) Part 2

There isn't much to say. The group came out and sang "Closer" by Ne-Yo. Seeing the two-eyed Cyclops hip hop bounce was worth not fast forwarding. Advancing into the Top 12:

Allison "Two-Face" Iraheta - She was easily the best of the night for me with the exception of her interview but she'll get more comfortable. Did anyone else notice that her legs got cold from the opening of the show to when she was in the stool? She went from normal-colored legs to grey legs during commercial break. Should I have noticed that? Let's move on.

Kris "Chick Magnet" Allen - He got the Simon bump and probably knocked out Megan Corkrey. "Man in the Mirror" is such a weird song. I haven't heard it since we sang it as a class for 3rd Grade Parent Night and I still knew all of the words. How is that possible? Anyway, this wasn't a bad choice. He can sing but I'm not a fan of his name beginning with a K. For the rest of his time on this blog, he will be known as Qrisse. That'll teach his parents not to make mistakes like this anymore.

Adam "Siren Harpie" Lambert - I was somewhat pleased that his second version of "Satisfaction" was not an exact copy of the first version. Maybe he's not a musical robot. He's got a tremendous voice but I'm still not sure if I like him. Since I judge books by their covers, I'm going to let the Idol stylists make him more palatable in my eyes over the coming weeks.

Who should get the Wild Card? I think Megan Corkrey. She's fun. She has an odd stage dance that's the most fun, awkward thing to watch since Dave Matthews started that leg thing he does in the 90s. I know I was pushing for Matt Giraud yesterday but I don't think he's in. There are only so many spots left.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Twitter Fun

This is what you could be enjoying if you got a twitter account. Go do it and follow me.

NoBuddies - Moving Into Girl's (Episode 4)

This is the fourth episode and the first in our new location. This will eliminate that fish tank buzz that infiltrated the first 3 episodes. It should be awesome sound and tons of laughs from now on! Let's do this!



After losing the house on eBay, everyone moves into Girl's. Bill's not happy with the setup.

Gray - Sean McCormack
Bill - William Franke
Cal - Kevin Tor
Girl - Sue White

Directed by William Franke
Written by Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rockamic (ccMixter)

American Idol - Top 36 (Week 2) Part 1

My title needs more numbers, I think. Anyway. I am going to blog this while I watch the show on my DVR. It makes it easier to remember everything I want to say about each person and avoids me forgetting all that comedy gold I come up with during playback.

Jasmine Murray - "Love Song" - She picked a cool song. I'm a huge Sara Bareilles fan. Her problem is she didn't sing the song fast enough. The thing with uptempo songs is that there is really no room for interpretation unless you change the arrangement. She tried for interpretation without rearrangement and that's why she failed.

Matt Giraud - "Viva La Vida" - He sang an awesome "Georgia On My Mind" during Hollywood Week. He made a large mistake trying to bring a soulful feel to a Coldplay song. The problem is that Chris Martin has no soul so it can't be done. If he would have succeeded, it would have been like Cindy Loo Who getting the Grinch's heart the grow three sizes. Sorry, Matt. Maybe you'll get one of the wild cards.

Jeanine Vailes - "This Love" - I was distracted by her changing all the female pronouns to male pronouns. Just lesbian it up for normalcy. Unfortunately, she made Adam Levine seem like he should be in the pantheon with Mariah and Whitney. So that's good for Adam Levine.

Nick Mitchell - "And I'm Telling I'm You" - Something might be wrong with me because I enjoyed this. Since he will be singing this every week (he sang it at Hollywood Week), I'm sure it will bother me by Week Six but tonight, it was fun. Please don't vote for him.

Allison Iraheta - "Alone" - Heart is usually a terrible pick. Not this time. She was awesome. Finally! Because this show was awful until now. However, I agree with Simon that she has a rough personality. She put off a Joaquin-Phoenix-on-Letterman vibe with Ryan before singing.

Kris Allen - "Man In The Mirror" - It started out not so great but it ended really strong. I was sitting here when he started singing thinking ugh but then he hit a note and it made me look up from my laptop. I even deleted the first sentence I wrote. Not bad. Will it get a spot? I don't think so.

Megan Corkrey - "Put Your Records On" - This girl knows how to enunciate. Wow. She must have gone to a Catholic school and gotten smacked if she ignored one letter in any word. She also wiggles nicely.

Matt Breitzke - "If You Could Only See" - This was boring. He seems like a nice guy but there are better guys than him, singing-wise. At least when this is over, he can remove one of his eyes and have a life feasting on Odysseus' crew.

Jesse Langseth - "Bette Davis Eyes" - It's pretty good. It was safe but what do you expect? She just died in Daniel Faraday's arms from temporal displacement a couple of weeks ago. It's good to have her back.

Kai Kalama - "What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted" - It was nice to listen to. He's got the hair of Sideshow Bob's brother, Cecil, so that's cool. He won't be back.

Mishavonna Henson - "Drops of Jupiter" - It sounded really good but the judges thought she looked too serious. I went back to watch it because I was too busy searching for the spelling of Cecil to look up the first time. She did look serious. Like angry that no one was answering her questions. Yes, Mishavonna, the wind swept me off my feet. Oh God, just don't hurt me.

Adam Lambert - "Satisfaction" - The dude can sing, in most cases not like a dude but he can sing. I think he overdid it but he's working the theater out of himself so that he can then put the theater back in himself after the competition. (Cause he'll be on Broadway with most of the other American Idol finalists from times past.) He'll be fine.

I think the Top 3 will be Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta, and Megan Corkrey. Matt Giraud will hopefully get a Wild Card.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

CDC You Real Soon, Beer Pong

Doctors have determined that playing beer pong can lead to the transfer of the flu, mono, or even herpes. This doesn't make any sense. How can drinking a cup of beer that's had a ball that's been on a dorm room floor countless times the least bit dangerous? I mean you rinse it off in that rarely-changed cup of tepid water each time it hits the ground. A tepid water rinse is to disease what the morning-after pill is to babies. And I don't even need that one year in the Pre-Med program at Seton Hall to tell you that. That's why every guy dips his junk in warm water after a night with a particularly dirty hooker. It's the responsible thing to do.

These doctors are a bunch of nerds who were not allowed to play this great game and are now using their "science" to ruin things for the rest of us fun people. These doctors may ask, "How do you explain all of the sickness and disease among people who play beer pong?" To them, I say, "Coincidence. Mere coincidence." I'm sure the stomach flu I get every time I go to the city and then eat is because I forget to wash my hands after holding the pole in the subway car. Sure, doctors. Sure. Why don't you go play your Warcrafts or build your telescopes and leave the cool people alone?