Sunday, August 1, 2010

Tor's Shark Facts (For Shark Week)

In honor of the beginning of Shark Week, I thought I would impart things that I know about sharks that maybe you didn't. This is stuff the Discovery Channel doesn't have the time to get to.
  • Sharks are looked down upon by the other fish because they lack retirement plans.
  • Sharks have a great sense of smell. It results in death if exposed to a particularly vicious hot boxing.
  • A great gift to celebrate a shark's 1000th kill is a 1988 California Red Chum. It looks nice in the brine cellar.
  • Sharks are governed absolutely by one shark. The King Shark rules over the entire Mon-Sharky.
  • The dorsal fin of a shark was originally octagonal which caused two sharks, upon meeting, to die. Darwinism eventually fixed it.
  • Sharks are not allowed to hunt humans in the summer without a license.
  • Sharks are blessed with one of the most beautiful singing voices of any creature on Earth but they are cursed to live in the sea with its poor acoustics.
  • Of all the shark professions, from killer to super killer, the most profitable is shark dentist.
  • Male sharks battle for the attention of female sharks by showing how many barrels they can pull under water. The Great "Jeff" is said to have pulled 12 for "Maggie."
  • Sharks are deathly afraid of fine china. That's why there were no sharks at the Titanic sinking. That and geographic location and water temperatures.