Rejected Palin Memoir Titles

It's been a while since there was a Twitter game that I've partaken in. The latest has you come up with other titles for the Sarah Palin memoir. Here is what I came up with:

1. A Pedigree of Dunces
2. Eats, Shoots, & Leaves Office
3. 100 Days of Ineptitude: Tracking the Race from VP Consideration to November 4th
4. I Support Abortion (Of Political Office Terms)
5. Running With Geezers
6. Gov in the Time of Obama
7. Brief Interviews With Hideous Me
8. Are You There Todd? It's Me, Maverick
9. The Lord of the Trig
10. Life of Lie

First Draft Movie Lines

This Twitter trend was probably one of my favorites. You take a famous movie line and you write what it might have been originally. Simple? Sure. Hilarious? I hope so.

• "I am serious and my name is not the homophone of the first word in your incredulous question."
• "Do you like apples? Oh, you don't. Do you think you could pretend to for the purposes of my burn? You can't? Alright. Thanks, anyway."
• "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a hoot which would lead you to believe I would pollute which I can assure you is the furthest thing from the truth."
• "Khaaaaan! Are you there, Khan? I just went through a tunnel and...damn it!"
• "I'm going to get you, my pretty, or I'm going to get your little dog. Or....both! Yeah, both!"
• "Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Those are your only two options. I'm going to need an answer. I got places to be."
• "Mama always said these sayings to me that were real simple life similes because I'm too retarded for real talk."
• "Houston, the shuttle's broken! This cannot be presented as an understatement!"
• "I'm at such an advanced age that I really would rather not encounter shit."
• "May this mystical Jedi power remain with you on your travels."
• "This. Is. Sparta! I'm surprised you didn't know that. There was a sign about 100 yards back."
• "I see dead people. (Winks and points at Bruce Willis) Did you get that? I. See. (Points again) Dead people."
• "We're going jogging naked so our less than attractive physiques can be made a spectacle of!"
• "I feel like royalty with my arms stretched out like this on the front of this supposedly secure ocean liner!"
• "You call that a knife? I guess it is but, in Australia, we have a different set of standards for our cutlery."
• "Is my wife's head in that box?"
• "Sometimes floating plastic bags make me cry."
• "I feel the need. The need to fly this airplane really really fast."
• "I'm not even supposed to have a shift at this Quick Stop convenience store today."
• "I'm going to make him an offer and then I'm going to put on my angry face. There's no way he'll say no."
• "Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape! It tickles! (Giggling Heston)"
• "This terminator will return...right after these messages."
• "I'll have the same meal that gave that woman an orgasm."
• "Carpe Diem. That means 'Seize the Day' in Orkan, boys."
• "You're my agent. Get the money and put it where I can see it!"
• "I don't think you would like the truth if I gave it to you."
• "Hey, my reflection, did you just say something to me?"
• "Every time you hear a bell ring, it means it's noon in heaven."
• "We all get freaky deaky and dress up like our moms sometimes."
• "I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. But they raped him. A lot."
• "As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. Or a hot dog vendor. Ooo, or a dental technician."
• "Are you not entertained?!? Because I could kill opponents in this arena all day!"

Unnecessary Sequels

I love me some Twitter Trends. This is one from yesterday. You take a movie and come up with a sequel that shouldn't be made. I'm not talking like "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." We want movies that don't exist, not movies we wish didn't exist. So here's my list:

1. Punch Drunk Relationship Counseling
2. To Kill A Mockingbird And Maybe Check For A Pulse This Time, Richard
3. Stop! Or My Mom Will Reload
4. Don't Tell Mom That We Have A Pile of Babysitters In The Basement
5. Definitely Deeper Than Last Time Impact
6. Fight Varsity Team
7. Seriously This Time, Apocalypse...Now! No, Now!
8. Ei8ht: You Forgot Malvy
9. Some Also Like It Cold
10. Who's Sarah Marshall?
11. Lebowski Really Let Himself Go
12. Slumdog Poor Investor
13. Breakin' 3: Cellular Crumparee
14. Casablanca 2: Let's Have Paris Again
15. It Happened Again On A Different Night
16. Took A Moment To Calm Himself Down Bull
17. Singin' With Pneumonia
18. It's Still A Pretty Good Life
19. Did The Right Thing
20. Chief of Medicine Strangelove
21. High One P.M.
22. Bride Reconstructions
23. Back The Baby's Back
24. Superbad 2: McLovin's Lament
25. The Life Of Bees That Everyone Knows
26. Snakes With Parachutes
27. You, Robot, Too
28. The Hotter Girl Next To The Girl Next Door
29. School Of Roll
30. Grounding Nemo