Awful Ways To Improve Transformers 2

Transformers 2 was a terrible movie. There were robots that talked jive (Stewardess, I speak jive), robots that talked like Joe Pesci (Am I a robot clown?), and robots that used canes because they were old (What?). The following is a list of terrible ideas that would still improve the movie.*

• Replace Shia LaBeouf with Fisher Stevens.
• Have Optimus Prime contract robot AIDS.
• Make Bumblebee an actual bumblebee and have Shia LaBeouf ride on his back after using a Honey, I Shrunk The Kids-esque shrink ray.
• Let the Decepticons win.
• Instead of filming it, show the screenplay being read by Gilbert Gottfried.
• Have a Megan Fox sex scene where she unveils her own massive penis.
• End the movie with the Zapruder film in slow motion set to "Time After Time."
• Give four monkeys 83 seconds to write it.
• Interrupt it with commercials for Geico.
• Instead of robots that turn into electronic objects, base the movie on the metal boxes at the top of telephone poles.

* Yes, I did this for GI Joe over the summer.