Monday, November 23, 2009

Awful Ways To Improve Transformers 2

Transformers 2 was a terrible movie. There were robots that talked jive (Stewardess, I speak jive), robots that talked like Joe Pesci (Am I a robot clown?), and robots that used canes because they were old (What?). The following is a list of terrible ideas that would still improve the movie.*
  • Replace Shia LaBeouf with Fisher Stevens.
  • Have Optimus Prime contract robot AIDS.
  • Make Bumblebee an actual bumblebee and have Shia LaBeouf ride on his back after using a Honey, I Shrunk The Kids-esque shrink ray.
  • Let the Decepticons win.
  • Instead of filming it, show the screenplay being read by Gilbert Gottfried.
  • Have a Megan Fox sex scene where she unveils her own massive penis.
  • End the movie with the Zapruder film in slow motion set to "Time After Time."
  • Give four monkeys 83 seconds to write it.
  • Interrupt it with commercials for Geico.
  • Instead of robots that turn into electronic objects, base the movie on the metal boxes at the top of telephone poles.
* Yes, I did this for GI Joe over the summer.


Anonymous said...

HAHA All of your humor is TORrific!

Anonymous said...

TORrific !! Always right on !