Bean Medley (New Video)

I sat down and tried to think about what would be the most embarrassing video I could make for my daughter's classmates to find when she's a teenager. I figure a bean costume (wonderfully made by my wife), some white tights, and the word "fart" ought to do it.

I can always remind her that she smiled at me dancing in the bean costume the whole day of the shoot as she yells, "I hate you! Take it down!"

Butterface on ABCNews.com!

ABCNews.com did an article on the Top 5 Parodies of Lady Gaga's 'Poker Face.' My "Butterface" parody made the list at number 4. That sounds like an ok accomplishment but then I found out who else was on the list. I am preceded on the list by Christopher Walken, South Park, and Justin Timberlake when he was on "SNL." There's even an accompanying video. It's amazing! What am I doing on this list?

A special thanks to Sheila Marikar (or Sheils as Twitter calls her) for writing the article and calling me an "online video genius." My mom's been saying it for decades. It's good to have a non-relative say the same thing.

Terrible TV Show Ideas

I posted this on my blog a couple of weeks ago but then decided to submit it to McSweeney's. They don't accept things that have been posted elsewhere so I took it down. Turns out I didn't need to because they rejected it. So I'm putting it back up. Enjoy it even though they didn't.

1. Former Olympic gold medal-winning figure skater is forced to inhabit the bodies of random people throughout time. Coming soon: Michelle Kwan-tum Leap. "Let's hope the next triple lutz is the triple lutz home."
2. A tribe of 10-year-old girl robots learns to coexist with the Pilgrim settlers that have inhabited their land. Coming soon: Smallpox Wonder. "They're bringing love and laughter and high fevers everywhere."
3. Cameron Diaz, Alicia Silverstone, Julia Stiles, and Ellen Pompeo help the less fortunate and oppressed out of trouble. Coming soon: The A-Cup Team. "They titty the fool...just not a lot."
4. A mystery writer with a short attention span and not a lot of time to live stumbles upon murder investigations and helps the police. Coming soon: Murder, She Tweeted. "@sheriffmetzger found body...know who dunnit #homicide"
5. A blind musician moves in with a family and gets free rent in exchange for babysitting and providing musical accompaniment during dinner. Coming soon: Ray Charles In Charge. "He's not going to stand for that 'new boy in the neighborhood' crap."
6. One of the hardest working people in show business and one of the laziest private investigators the world has ever known team up to take down the bad guys. Coming soon: Timberlake And The Fatman. "They always manage to get there Justin time."
7. A British ruminant mammal becomes a proper butler for a family that loves to hunt. Coming soon: Mr. Belve-deer. "If he doesn't keep a good house, they'll have him for dinner."
8. A hip and famous American writer moves to Oakland, California to become a substitute teacher at the local high school where he will mentor kids and suffer from dropsy. Coming soon: Hangin' With James Fenimore Cooper. "Let's all do the Bumppo."
9. A 16-year-old roller disco with the help of a Greek Muse graduates medical school and becomes a resident surgeon at Eastman Medical Center. Coming soon: Xanadu-gie Howser. "What he lacks in precision and dexterity due to his lack of arms and hands, he more than makes up for with boogie oogie."
10. A funny and bright little girl, abandoned by her parents, seeks shelter in a vacant apartment where she spends her days perfecting her recipe for the perfect pint. Coming soon: Punky Brewmaster. "This girl's got some hops."

Blogger's Note: I actually googled "small boob celebrities" because I had no knowledge of celebrity chest sizes. Also, I was also working on Pee-Wee Herman's Head but the description ended just being too close to Pee-Wee's Playhouse.

Adele's Bro

I was recently given the chance to be in a Sara Benincasa video and I jumped at the chance. Sara is bringing a new character to the world, Adele Marie Rankles. She's Haw Creek's finest aesthetician and just a real joy to listen to. In the second video of the series, I play Bobby Mac Rankles, Adele's brother (the straight one). There is no word on whether this will be a recurring role or, even if it is, whether I will be playing him again or get replaced (a la a soap opera) by someone with actual talent. Regardless, it was a lot of fun (except for two moments) and watching Sara improvise it all is retardedly impressive. She is going to be a star.

Here is the first Adele video:

Here is the second one that I'm in: