Oscar Bits They Didn't Have Time For

Neil Patrick Harris came out and sang but Bruce Vilanch and company came up with so much more...well, gold. I got my hands on some of the ideas they rehearsed and didn't have time for in the 9 hour telecast. I posted a few on my Twitter feed last night but here is the whole list:

1. Martin and Baldwin sumo wrestle in the bomb-diffusing suits from "The Hurt Locker"
2. Baldwin and 4 other avatars bring us back to the 70s with the parody, "In the Na'vi"
3. Martin and Baldwin, dressed as Hitler and Goebbels, hit the town looking for women as two "Heil-ed and Crazy Guys"
4. Baldwin comes on stage. Martin appears via remote satellite on the large screen and fires Baldwin from the rest of the telecast.
5. Scenes featuring Mo'Nique from "Precious" are recut with Martin as Navin R. Johnson in the Precious role. Navin will learn what being "born a poor black child" is really like.*
6. Something to do with "An Education"
7. Martin and Baldwin hang out in "District 10" because they are on the waiting list for "District 9"
8. Baldwin enters wearing a football uniform complete with pads. When Sandra Bullock is announced as the winner, he barrels down Meryl Streep, picks her up, and carries her out of the theater.
9. A five minute montage showing Martin and Baldwin meeting, striking up a friendship, making a pact to finish the Oscar telecast, Martin getting sick during the Best Actor announcement, Martin dying, Baldwin setting off to complete the mission, and ultimately finding out that the mission wasn't completing the telecast but outliving Steve Martin.
10. An older boy scout (Martin) who still lives at home and gets picked on by all those around him finds solace in an overly affectionate next door neighbor (Baldwin) in "A Canteen Boy-ous Man"

*Just read that they did hit upon "The Jerk" parallel last night. I have Cablevision and did not have the Oscars until after the first couple of awards went out. Nice to know Vilanch and I are on the same page.

Funny Stuff That Ain't Mine: NPH Digital Short

Hulu got permission (finally) to put this up. I can watch this over and over for days. I was feeling a little down this morning but now, I have renewed energy. 

Well, what are you waiting for? Enjoy it!

Funny Stuff That Ain't Mine: Prop 8 The Musical

Well, it's more important than funny. Still it's a great job by all involved with a stellar cast and an awesome point. Check it out.

Going To The Movies: Barney Stinson

Over the weekend, I went to see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. I was joined by Barney Stinson from the wonderful TV show, How I Met Your Mother, which can be seen on Mondays on CBS.

Kevin

Barney.

Barney Stinson

What uuuup? This is going to be legen-

Kevin

Barney, I'm going to have to stop you right there. I have a little challenge for you. You can't say "awesome" or "legendary" for the rest of the show.

Barney Stinson

Can I finish the one I started?

Kevin

No.

Barney Stinson

Jesus, Kevin, you take me to a chick movie with no chicks at our side. What is that about? Bro Code Article 46: Under no circumstances-

Kevin

Barney, I don't subscribe to the Bro Code.

Barney Stinson

Bro Code Article 47-

Kevin

I thought it was 46.

Barney Stinson

It was. I was starting a new one. Bro Code Article 47: All men subscribe to the Bro Code and shall not interrupt fellow bro announcing any article of the Bro Code. As I was saying, Bro Code Article 46: Under no circumstances can a bro incapacitate another bro's vocabulary after that bro accompanies original bro to a stupid movie with no dates. Now where was I? Oh right. Dary!

Kevin

Whatever. So you thought it was a stupid movie. I actually liked it a lot.

Barney Stinson

What could you have possibly liked about it? First of all, none of the characters wore suits. None of them. How are you supposed to be taken seriously in any endeavor if you don't dress seriously? You can't get a girl without a suit. 

(smirks to himself)

That's why they call them suitors and not dirty-zip-up-hoodie-and-skinny-jeans-ers.

Barney raises his hand for a high five.

Kevin

(shakes head)

You've done better.

Barney Stinson

(puts down hand)

Kevin, let's wrap this movie thing up. You liked it. I hated it. I can have us knee-deep in drunken college girls in ten minutes. We're right by Rutgers, right?

Kevin

Barney, first off, it's two in the afternoon. Secondly, I'm married.

Barney Stinson

Aha! If you were serious about your marriage, you would have said that first. Now, here's the plan. We're grad students studying pharmacology. College babes love drugs, legal or otherwise.

Kevin

No.

Barney Stinson

How about residents at insert name of local hospital? I'll google it right now.

Kevin

No.

Barney Stinson

You, sir, are the worst wingman I have ever met. I'm leaving and there's nothing you can do to stop me.

Kevin

Thank you for being on the show.

Barney gets up and walks to the door. He stops awkwardly facing out of it.

Barney Stinson

(not facing Kevin)

Even if you came to your senses and said you would pretend to be my unnecessarily loud, financial adviser helping me figure out how to spend my newly inherited fortune due to the tragic death of my uncle who raised me from the time I was five because my parents had to go into hiding from the Russian mafia...

(breaking into fake tears)

 ...and they were not very good at hiding.

(back to no fake tears voice)

Not even then.

Kevin

(sighs)

Fine, but you need a better story for the inheritance.

Barney Stinson

(turns around)

I knew I could count on you.

Kevin

Let me just sign off. I want to thank my guest-

Barney Stinson

And best friend-

Kevin

We're not best friends.

Barney Stinson

(laughs sarcastically)

Right, Kevbo.

Kevin

Thanks to Barney Stinson for being on the show. We were split on Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. I felt it was a great story set to wonderful music. The acting was superb and there was real chemistry between Michael Cera and Kat Dennings. Barney felt otherwise.

Barney Stinson

It suuuuucked.

Kevin

Tune in next time when our guest will be Dwight Schrute from The Office. Looking forward to that. Good night.