Things That Better Not Happen On Lost

This may need a Spoiler Alert as it will probably hit things that have happened. How can it not?

• The smoke monster approaches the temple to complete its mission. As Jack and the others prepare for the worst, Deep Purple emerges to rock the island's socks off.
• John Locke, sitting in front of the computer, gets a command from a higher force that he has to "murder all." Not sure what that means, he types it into Google which suggests "murderball" instead. Locke falls in love with quad rugby and never fulfills his destiny.
• Sawyer takes over for Mystery in a redo of VH1's The Pickup Artist where he replaces the concept of peacocking with drawltagging in which the predator subdues his prey with a fine Southern accent and adorable nicknaming.
• A final flash happens on the island bringing Sun and Jin face to face. Unfortunately, the flash blinded both of them resulting in Sun and Jin never seeing each other again.
• The Dharma shark beaches himself because no one paid him enough attention.
• Richard becomes a spokesman for Cover Girl's new product, Mysterious Eyeland Liner.
• Jack outlasts everyone else on the island in the season finale. As he yells "Why?" to the sky, balloons fall and musical fanfare plays as Jeff Probst congratulates him.
• Walt reappears on the island. Unfortunately, he looks 57 but he's trying to play the 13 he's supposed to be.
• The polar bear corners Hurley in the woods. Hurley closes his eyes to await his doom. Time ticks. He slowly opens his eyes to see the polar bear standing before him offering him a Coke.
• Ben falls down and breaks his jaw. He is not bothered so much by the pain but by the fact that his wired-shut jaw won't allow him to display his open-mouthed emotions.
• Bernard comes down with the wrong kind of jungle fever. Paralysis follows and ultimately death.
• Sayid encounters a bomb and has to defuse it. The majority of the episode focuses on Juliette Binoche praying for his safety as she tends to Ralph Fiennes.
• Kate eludes Edward Mars in every universe. In one universe, Edward chases Kate into a room with no way out. Kate paints a door on the wall and uses it. Edward runs at the door but smashes into the wall.

VH1 Behind The Musics I'd Like To See

VH1 made some great Behind the Musics. There were some that I would still love to see.

• Tag Team - "The story of how even being able to point out where 'it' was was not enough. Now, they put the 'WHO?' in 'Whoomp.'"
• Mark Morrison - "The story of the man who thought the world was ready for the mack to return but was wrong."
• Meredith Brooks - "The story of how maybe it's better for career longevity to let people find out what you later are than to come out and say it in your first song."
• Lucas - "The story of how a man dealt with a society that preferred his lid firmly attached."
• Vengaboys - "The ironic story of the band that liked to party but was never invited to any."
• Lou Bega - "The story of a man haunted by the regret that he should have started with the first mambo and not the fifth and last one."
• The Proclaimers - "The sad story of two guys that never found anyone worth walking more than 48 miles for, far short of their lyrical ideal."
• Ini Kamoze - "The story of a lyricist with mob ties and steps that are excessively warm."
• Skee-Lo - "The story of a man who never had a wish come true and how it ate away at him."
• 2 in a Room - "The story of how no one knew what part of their body to wiggle and the heaps of hate mail they got because of it."

Even if you don't want to see any of these Behind the Musics, I hope you will have any of these songs stuck in your head for at least a week. You're welcome.