Tor Baby Countdown: 25 Days

Boy Jerkface has started to take on stairs. He got the go-ahead from his doctor yesterday. We were instructed to roll a towel and put it under his body like a sling to take some of the weight off his back legs. The first attempt was before bed last night.

At this point in our post-torn ACL life, Boy Jerkface has gotten used to being carried around. He shows no interest in using his legs like a sucker. Why climb the stairs when someone can cradle you like a baby and bring you where you want to go? It makes sense. So it was no surprise when I implemented the sling and he stood there with a "What's going on with my back legs?" look on his face. We were doing the doggie wheelbarrow but with no forward momentum.

Not the picture I was looking for but fun nonetheless.

We gave up for the night but this morning was a new day. Boy Jerkface made for the stairs and I stood a few stairs down from him and we went slow. He made it to the first landing. I was so proud of him.

Me

Do you want to keep going?

Boy Jerkface

...

Me

Ok!

Down he went to the first floor. He kept going. Can we go down the last flight to the garage? All of the stairs in one morning? Does this dog have the healing ability of Wolverine? How is this possible?

Me

All the way to the garage, buddy?

Boy Jerkface

...

Me

Well don't let me stop you.

He made it down 30 steps in total without a hiccup. I've never been prouder of him. I rubbed his back furiously saying, "Good Boy! Good Boy!" I was near tears.

When we got to the garage, I put him on his bicycle and we started in the parking lot. I was running behind him and he barked, "Let go of the seat! I can do it!" I let go and he went across town and got us lunch. It's been a magical morning.

Tee hee

I can't imagine the kind of excitement and happiness I will feel when (not if, damn it!) my daughter accomplishes things if I got this elated for the dog. "You're crawling! Good girl!" Head rub. "You're holding the sippy cup all by yourself! Good girl!" Belly scratch. Who said dogs can't be a prelude to children?

If no one has, this picture leaves me thinking someone needs to say it.

Tor Baby Countdown: 36 Days

Last Thursday, my wife and I picked up Boy Jerkface from his ACL surgery. The incision area was pretty gross but he was pushing through on his 3 good legs. The doctor was pleased with the dog because he was already toe-touching. I thought he went in for ACL surgery but I guess he went in for a ballerina implant.

He's a Purina Ballerina!

Dealing with Boy Jerkface over the last few days has been brutal. I somehow became attached to him in the time we've had him. My nights have been filled with restless sleep worrying about him. It makes me wonder how I'm going to handle having a baby.

I've been carrying him up and down the stairs. I've carried him on the latter half of walks so that he doesn't do too much too soon. Carrying a 45-pound dog makes me feel like I'm in a World's Strongest Man competition because the last 20 steps are brutal. I'm waddling, gritting my teeth, hoping to post a good time.

Not bad but my stone likes to wiggle.

The carrying will only help me as a parent. I will be able to lift 2 strollers and a baby carrier at the same time. This will come in handy.

Boy Jerkface also started licking his incision site and the stitches. This is not good for him to do so we decided to buy him a cone. While I was at Petco, I thought about how miserable the cone was going to make him and almost decided not to buy it. My thought process said that I could simply watch him. Constantly. And make sure he never licks it. Yeah, that's a much better option.

I've been telling people that, as a parent, you have to do what's best for the baby even if it's not going to make the baby happy and what am I doing at my first practice chance? Doing whatever it takes to make the baby/dog happy instead of what's best for the baby/dog. So I sucked it up and bought the collar.

The fake dog looks content.

I got the "Comfy Collar" because it was soft and allows the dog to hide in any photography studio. We put the collar on him last night and he went immediately to sleep. This was perfect because dogs sleep soundly throughout the night and never get up to move around.

Thirty minutes later, Boy Jerkface got up and freaked out. He pushed the collar against every surface in the bedroom. It sounded like two people wrestling in windbreakers. I sat there watching him, telling myself to take the collar off of him. My wife was sound asleep. She was not going to help. Then I realized that this was my parenting test. This was the baby crying in the other room because she doesn't want to sleep. The collar is what's right for the dog. A few minutes later, Boy Jerkface laid back down in the bathroom and went to sleep. I did it. I made it.

At about 2 in the morning, the freak-out happened again. Incessant sounds of vinyl sliding coming from all points of the bedroom. Were there six of him? This time my wife woke up. What did she do? She took the collar off and let us all sleep. Licking is the lesser evil when compared to running around the room and slamming his body into things.

In the end, dogs and babies aren't the same no matter how much you try to make them.

The way you handle a dog is not a good barometer for how you will be with a child. And I will keep telling myself that.

Tor Baby Countdown: 48 Days

This is going to be a blog entry that's been done to death for expecting parents but hopefully I'll be able to put my own spin on it. Some of that Tor differentness that separates me from the successful people. So let's see "How to deal with your baby coming and a dog that just tore his ACL."

Our dog (Boy Jerkface) tore his ACL over a week ago. The recovery for this injury is about 8 weeks. No need to get your calculators out, the baby will come before then. This is just poor timing by the dog. He did this to get attention, worried that the new member of the family is going to occupy all of our time. So he snaps his ACL. Selfish.

When I tell people this, they ask me if he was playing basketball and that makes me laugh. He's quite overweight. He would be picked last in any gym class in America.

His jersey number is K9. Hilarious.

There is a lot of work ahead of my wife and I on this. Lots of carrying to minimize walking and stair climbing. Pain medication. Keeping him from biting his stitches. Easing him back to normal. And, at any point, our daughter may fall out of my wife. However, like always, I will look on the bright side and show how this can be a blessing.

Boy Jerkface weighs 44 pounds. If my wife is lucky, that will be no less than 5 times the amount our daughter will weigh. Carrying the dog up and down the stairs and for the last third of every walk will prepare me for holding my daughter in the long run. It's training! Thanks dog!

Maybe I have nothing to complain about.

Also, the dog can't jump into the crib in the middle of the night and take the baby far away. We'd be able to catch the gimpy babynapper no problem!

The dog will have to wear the protective cone collar. We can decorate the collar to look like petals around the dog's face. Then the dog won't clash with the nursery. Arts and crafts fun!

We can have a race to see who walks first. If our daughter wins, she'll be studied by doctors and scientists for years to come!

The surgery is next week and the baby is due about 5 weeks later. This is going to be close. I've faxed the agenda to my wife's womb but I haven't heard back. Fingers crossed.