American Idol Season 9 - Top 7 (Eliminations)

Idol Gives Back would be more successful if they could find a way, in addition to the charity, to give us the time we lost in our lives due to the following performances:

• Everything sung by Jermaine Sellers, John Park, and Haeley Vaughn
• Lacey Brown's "Landslide" and "Ruby Tuesday"
• Paige Miles' "Smile"
• Andrew Garcia's "Gimme Shelter" and "Heard It Through The Grapevine"
• Tim Urban's "Apologize," "Sweet Love," and "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
• Siobhan Magnus' "Through the Fire"
• Most of Aaron, Katie, and Big Mike

Highlights of the show were Carrie Underwood, Elton John, and Mary J. Blige. Lowlights were the Black Eyed Peas, Alicia Keys, and George Lopez.

Bottom Three:

Aaron Kelly - He's fearless but he's also naive. He's American Idol's equivalent of Wile E. Coyote. He can strap all of the rockets he wants to his back and shoes but he's never going to catch the Road Runner (Season 9 crown).

Don't look for it here, Aaron

Casey James - The dreamy-haired Adonis found the Bottom 3 for the first time. I hope he liked the taste of it because this is where he will stay until he leaves in 2 weeks. Some would suggest that a haircut would be a welcome change but rumors are that the hair is his source of mediocrity. Best to leave it. Why mess with an average thing?

Tim Urban - I will give Tim credit for making it this far. I think he will have a solid CW career going forward and I appreciate how much he lived in the moment and cherished all that Idol allowed him to do. Best of luck to him.

Hallelujah

Final Thoughts: There is no one right now even coming close to the greatness of Lee and Crystal. It will be a real shame if that isn't the Final. Frankly, I won't watch. Can America deal with that kind of boycott because there won't be any hilarious recaps? I vow it. Think about it, Nation. (I've been watching some Colbert lately.)

American Idol Season 9 - Top 7

Alicia Keys was the mentor for Inspirational Songs Week. Over the years, she's inspired countless horrible versions of her "Falling" in American Idol auditions. She mentored like she was assigned to monitor detention. There was no effort at all. This led to a down week on Idol after two strong ones. Fortunately, we made it through the show without "Wind Beneath My Wings" but we weren't lucky enough to avoid "I Believe I Can Fly." Thankfully, it wasn't Big Mike. He doesn't need to associate himself with R. Kelly to scare 12-year-old girls. He does that already. All this week did was further the gap between Crystal/Lee and the rest.

Casey James - "Don't Stop" - This song was like a person who only went halfway into the crosswalk and stopped because it was so middle of the road. The usual Casey. He's never bad. He's just never great with the exception of "Jealous Guy" two weeks ago. He's also getting faux-tan enough to be on "Jersey Shore."

Lee DeWyze - "The Boxer" - This is what I was talking about last week. Going back and forth between the nice softer voice and the harsher screaming voice. It was really well done. If the final isn't Lee and Crystal, America will be watching the cruise ship leave from the dock while holding their bags. Do you know why? BECAUSE THEY MISSED THE BOAT!!

Tim Urban - "Better Days" - The votes are in and the population of Stinkville just elected their mayor. Wow, that was terrible. I was actually yearning to hear the Goo Goo Dolls version. He made the Goo Goo Dolls sound rugged and tough. What's next? Brainy Smurf joining the Crips? No! Bad Tim! Bad!

Aaron Kelly - "I Believe I Can Fly" - The end was decent and might have saved him. Can he stop his hips from moving back and forth? They are like the pendulum in a grandfather clock that you have to take back to the store because an hour goes by in 48 seconds. Slow the hips. It can't be good for your internal organs.

Siobhan Magnus - "When You Believe" - She sings like someone from England or Australia with the extreme enunciation she puts into each word. It was very stiff and this song was too much for her. The butterflies actually tried to put themselves back into their fabric cocoons. She's lucky this is a weak season.

Big Mike - "Hero" - The mouth lick will haunt my dreams forever. That was so awful. This never had a chance to be good. My least favorite contestant singing a song by my least favorite singer (Nickelback). I hope people were inspired to not vote for him. Enjoy the lick below.

Crystal Bowersox - "People Get Ready" - Best of the night. I have nothing to add. No jokes. She's awesome.

Bottom Three: I think Siobhan is safe. If she's here, I'm overestimating her fan base. This will be a guys' Bottom Three. Tim Urban was really bad this week. Big Mike was also horrific. And Aaron Kelly was not good enough to avoid this distinction. Tim's squealing girl following will be enough. Aaron sang well enough to make it. Big Mike is just not a likable human being. Watch the tongue lick again if you want help coming to that conclusion.

Going Home: Big Mike