Rejected Young Money Lyrics

There is a hit song on the radio now by Young Money called "Bed Rock." The chorus contains the lyric, "Call me Mr. Flinstone. I can make your bed rock." This is very clever. What people don't know is that there were several failed attempts at cartoon-inspired innuendo before they landed on "The Flintstones." Read them and the reasoning behind passing on them below.

Bad Lyric: "Call me Mr. Jetson. I can make your Ass-tro."

Reasoning Against: Well it has the word "ass" but a "tro" isn't anything especially not a verb.

Bad Lyric: "Call me Liono. I can make your Mum rah."

Reasoning Against: It's for when you have a thing for British mothers and also for less enthusiastic cheerleaders so you get both. Still confusing.

Bad Lyric: "Call me Captain Baloo. I can make that Tail Spin."

Reasoning Against: It's pretty good but there's a hint of bestiality.

Bad Lyric: "Call me G.I. Joe. I can make my Cobra Command Her."

Reasoning Against: Clever but there's really no one called G.I. Joe so this falls apart. Also the lyric is supposed to be aimed at a girl not someone in the third person.

Bad Lyric: "Call me Gargamel. I can make your Stinky Smurf."

Reasoning Against: This might actually be an insult when translated from Smurf-speak.

Bad Lyric: "Call me Hanna-Barbara. I want to give you my Chilly Willy."

Reasoning Against: It doesn't really sell you to the woman as cold things are not appetizing as evidenced by bras in the freezer pranks.

Looks Like Some Fun, Feels Like A Cheetah

A cheetah in Ohio broke the land speed record held by a cheetah in South Africa. Apparently zoos run 100 meter dashes with their cheetahs. I don't want to sound like a speciesist (which is a real thing) but are we at a point in society where we say one cheetah is faster than another? Is it really going to say under "Fastest Animal" in the Guiness Book of World Records, "Sarah the cheetah," rather than "cheetah?"

Sarah better watch out. Zaza, another female cheetah in South Africa, is taking a run at the new record once the weather clears. I guess we don't want the elements to interfere with our cheetah races. Zaza might be under speculation though. Not because she might be a male - that doesn't matter. I'm concerned she might be Usain Bolt in a cheetah suit. Check for zippers.

The picture was already posed that way. Coincidence?

Look, we all had childhood crushes on Cheetara.

Meee-ooow! Am I right?

And this may be all fine and good when the Thundercats actually do come to our planet but, until then, can we not individualize man-killing animals? This is how it starts. You let them run some races. Everyone's having a good time.

Person 1: Oh, look how fast Raj the Cheetah runs.

Person 2: Ingrid at the San Diego Zoo would run circles around Raj.

Person 1: You're crazy!

And then, BOOM!

No more humans.

That's how we took out the dinosaurs.

They're watching a human race on the TV.

(Cue ominous music) You've been warned.