Tor's Onion Stories: December 29, 2009

I recently submitted to write for The Onion for the second time. Here are 10 story ideas that I did not use but enjoyed.

• World's First Sentient Plastic Bag Killed While Playing With Toddler
• Older California Raisins Have Trouble Hearing Grapevine
• On A Quest For Normalcy, Man Watches "Benjamin Button" Backwards
• Wide Leg Jeans Develop Eating Disorder When Sharing Rack With Skinny Jeans
• Man Living In Glass House Regrets Calling Idiom's Bluff
• World Ends When FailBlog Makes Mistake Posting About Its Mistake
• School's Horse Play Cancelled Due To Cast Members Fooling Around Too Much, Irony
• College Kid And Ball Reunited 12 Years After It Went In Creepy Neighbor's Yard
• Overpampering Parents Choose To Learn Baby Talk Over Forcing Child To Learn English
• NFL Player Satisfied Enough With Leading Virtual Self To Madden Title